Ten years ago I wrote a commentary entitled “Common Humanity Among Amabout my Lenten Journey for the San Antonio Express News. You can read the published and edited version here. Abe Levy also covered the story from his perspective around the same time. Abe continued to follow the story of Willie (William Schooman) in the years to come. More on that later!
Below is the unedited and raw version of my commentary:
When I decided to live on the streets for the 40 days of Lent I did not know much about homeless life. In fact. I knew nothing at all.
Many of us, including myself, have a fear of homeless people. Despite our common humanity we have developed stereotypical views about the homeless and justify our actions (even in charity) when interacting with them or dealing with common problems.
When I accepted my call to serve at Trinity Baptist Church I was surprised to see how diverse the area had become. One mile East of TBC lays the beautiful city of Alamo Heights. One mile west lays the Edison neighborhood. It does not take much to see the vast diversity and differences between the two areas (just read about the State playoffs…both schools chanted offensive cheers about each high school.)
As a pastor, and more importantly, as a Christian I am called to love God with all my heart and love my neighbor as myself without favoritism. I am good at that in some ways… I am a member of the Downtown Rotary Club and minister to students all over our city. But there is one section of my community that I constantly neglected. The homeless.
I never humanized the homeless. Even when they would hang at the church’s community center or walk down my street I never made an effort to know who they were. I had humanized my church members, even my junior high students, but I never humanized the homeless. They were the ones we served on mission trips…but never befriended on an equal playing field.
One of the great scandals of Christianity is that its followers believe God humbled himself to become a human being. In fact his disciple Matthew writes even the foxes had their dens and the birds had their roosts but Jesus Christ had nowhere to lay his head. That is the same man I follow and call my Lord humanized homelessness.
After much prayer I decided to do something radical…give up my home and become homeless for 40 days. Many people give something up for Lent, such as coke, beer, or television. Participating this way makes us apart of the religious community. It looks good….and possibly even physically helpful. Giving up my home was my Lenten discipline. But replacing it with Scripture, prayer, and deeper relationships with the community is where I would find the true Spiritual reward.
Why my home? Did my home keep me from God? Not necessarily. However, my home did keep me from truly getting to know the homeless citizens in my community on an equal level. So I gave it up to live among.
True Christian ministry is to live among.
Live among the people. Live among the broken hearted. Live among our neighbors. Even our enemies.
My journey was an amazing adventure. Over the 40 days I learned more about humanity than I ever learned in college, seminary, or places of ministry. Living outside creates a new reality of living. Everything is public. The sounds, the smells, the relationships, and the danger. Everything is wide open and seen by others. Your identity totally changes. The first night I became homeless I was ashamed to ask the bus driver where Haven for Hope was on the bus stop. She would know I was homeless. When walking around with my sleeping bag I could feel the sting of awkward looks by passers by who disliked my presence. Overnight…the places I used to eat and hang out in seemed closed and unwelcoming. My identity was altered from confidence to shame.
This would slowly change after building relationships with others who live on the streets. I met people who were just as hospitable as my parishioners, just as crazy as my friends, and just as diverse as the city. My common stereotype of the homeless was becoming broken. We all have to rely on each other to survive. For example, during the thunderstorm a few weeks ago a friend I met let me sleep in his shed during the storm to stay safe. It begged me to ask…Would I allow a homeless person stay in my house to stay safe during a storm? It pains me that I don’t have the answer. I ran into great citizens and churches of San Antonio that would treat the homeless as equals and give in abundance their love and resources. You can read more about my daily experiences on my blog.
San Antonio has many Saints living inside the city. Some work at Haven, some serve at churches, and some serve alone with a vision to live among their neighbors.
When the 40 days were coming to a close. I found myself depressed about leaving my new home and my new friends. In fact, I felt no longer homeless. I felt loved and cared for by people who call the I-10 overpass their home. I was sad to leave. There is something strangely comforting about living together with so many people. You get used to the openness. You get used to the lifestyle.
Living on the streets has its problems. And the problems are severe and disconcerting. There is drug use, abuse, and basic irresponsibleness. But despite the severity, I learned that we all have the same problems. We all struggle with love, addictions, common drive, and illnesses. Our differences lie in how we package our problems, create social barriers, and how we find monetary resources.
On Easter morning…when I was walking back to my home it felt surreal. Even unknown. I was suppose to going back to normal life…but I don’t know what normal means anymore.
That afternoon I spent Easter lunch with a homeless friend Josh’s family. He had a family! I thought the meal might be awkward due to the economic differences’…but I realized that God bridges those gaps when we allow God to. I was beginning to humanize homelessness.
That night as I laid in my bed inside my home and I could not sleep. Other than my dog…it was extremely silent. It was so strange to be back indoors. I was always outdoors in wide open spaces. Now, I am in a box of a room. It seems so small…yet it’s big and comfortable.
I felt alone…even when I am suppose to have it all.
The reality is that tonight 3,500 people did not have a home to come back to after 40 days of Lent. My journey was a simulation….was it wrong? I hope not.
We can’t fix everyone’s problems but we can begin to humanize them.
By: Gavin Rogers, Unedited Debrief of 40 Days of Haven, 2012
Last night was the last night out for Holy Week 2022. It was good to reconnect with friends and the community on the streets. It was also nice to reflect on my 2012 Lenten blog posts that I wrote ten years ago. What a decade!
Yesterday, I went out with my dear friend Neville who showed me how he used to live in downtown San Antonio by collecting boxes and building temporary shelter each night. I have known Neville since 2017 when I started to work more directly with clients in downtown. Over the years, we have visited the beach, toured my farm, and spent countless nights getting to know one another. Neville currently is housed at the SAMM hotel and working toward a permanent place to live with the help of his best friend and outreach worker Valerie Salas from CAM and other case workers at his shelter. You can read more about Valerie and Neville in this touching story. Their story often reminds me of my friendship with Willie that started in 2012. Relationships like these really do prove that “Friendship Knows No Homelessness.”
Collecting boxes with Neville on Houston St. in San Antonio, TX
Neville and I met at 8pm yesterday to collect boxes that work well for shelter and planned a strategy for overnight. Neville prefers the boxes from Subway, so we had to wait until they reopened after the Easter holiday, then we could use the Frito Lay boxes that work well for his design.) Neville reminded me, “The Frito Lay boxes are much preferable for shelter. They are clean and just the right size to connect together to form a cocoon. You just have to be quick to snag them. On the streets there is ‘box supply and demand’. If you miss the clean ones, you might have to use dirty ones from the dumpster or not use any at all. There is a whole economic equation out there.” It took us a few rounds to get all the boxes for the night. “I’m a little rusty” Neville said while laughing, “I used to do this all the time! We will find them.”
After collecting the desired boxes, we went to find a safe place to sleep outside and rebuild his design from the collection. He connected the boxes like a caterpillar and so he could sleep inside the row of boxes similar to being inside a cocoon. “Not only does it block out most the light,” Neville recalls, “but it also provides nice insulation with some breathable spaces.”
After building our shelter we got into our separate cocoons to go to sleep. We talked about the stars, what it was like living outside, and his favorite theological concepts. Neville has a deep sense of faith and loves to talk about numerology, religion, and Jesus’ teaching. It might sound strange but Neville is really connected to the Spirit and how all of us are interconnected through shared science and experiences in this life.
The cocoon was interesting to sleep in, and not trying to make it better than it seems, but I have to admit, it was actually much more peaceful than sleeping open by the sidewalk. “I first thought it would feel like a coffin,” Neville warned me, “but it’s really nice most nights.” There were a few moments I felt a bit trapped but his design was just big enough to move around, reposition, and find a good position to sleep. That’s why I love Neville, and so many people on the streets, they find great value in the smallest of treasures and rarely take gifts for granted. Neville provided me a gift last night and I will celebrate the comfort I found inside those Frito Lay boxes he found. They are the best!
Neville is very intelligent. He is originally from Zimbabwe and holds a Bachelor’s degree in Biochemistry from Cleveland State University and taught science in Ohio and Texas. He enlisted in the Army and worked as an engineer at Fort Hood in Killeen, TX. Soon after enlisting in the Army, Neville started showing signs of schizophrenia and was honorably discharged because of his medical condition. Unfortunately, Neville’s condition worsened over the years and he ended up experiencing homelessness first in Austin then in San Antonio on Houston Street. Neville has been in San Antonio for around 5 or 6 years and started attending Corazon on Sundays at Travis Park (a block away from where he would sleep) and began working with Valerie Salas when she was a Block to Block outreach worker for Centro serving the unhoused in downtown and around Haven for Hope. To be honest, we all thought Neville would be stuck on the streets in San Antonio indefinitely so Valerie started connecting Neville with his family in Zimbabwe to see if there was a way to get him back home to receive better care. That was on track before Covid-19 restrictions kept altering the plan.
During this time, doctors from SA Street Medicine and the Corazon Clinic started getting Neville on new medication to treat his schizophrenia. Miraculously, the new medication did wonders and started to really heal Neville’s mental struggles and allow him to find emotional balance on a daily basis. Now, the Neville that only a few of knew about started to be seen by everyone and he was able to successfully find a place to stay in San Antonio. Through these experiences, Neville has become more of friend and brother to Valerie, Morgan and I rather than a client. Through his vulnerability, he has helped us learn new ways to connect, seek treatment, find hope, and trust sometimes the long road to recovery. We are all grateful for his friendship, loyalty, and humor.
The below blog posts are the last of my 2012 lenten journey when it ended on Easter of that year. Please enjoy the reflections and all the past blog posts. The Season of Easter is all about celebrating new life and finding hope in the resurrection. Both on this Earth and in heaven. I am humbled each and everyday when I get to witness this joyous resurrection in the lives of so many people we work alongside with at Corazon. Each day is challenging but miracles happen!
I will continue to share more as we all continue to serve our siblings on the streets of San Antonio.
When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so they could embalm him. Very early on Sunday morning, as the sun rose, they went to the tomb. They worried out loud to each other, “Who will roll back the stone from the tomb for us?”
Then they looked up, saw that it had been rolled back—it was a huge stone—and walked right in. They saw a young man sitting on the right side, dressed all in white. They were completely taken aback, astonished.
He said, “Don’t be afraid. I know you’re looking for Jesus the Nazarene, the One they nailed on the cross. He’s been raised up; he’s here no longer. You can see for yourselves that the place is empty. Now—on your way. Tell his disciples and Peter that he is going on ahead of you to Galilee. You’ll see him there, exactly as he said.”
They got out as fast as they could, beside themselves, their heads swimming. Stunned, they said nothing to anyone.
Christianity started once the Mary’s announced “Christ is Risen.”
The good thing is that we don’t have to be afraid or trembling. Christ is ahead of us in Galilee. Already at work!
In Your life In My life
All we need to do is follow the Risen Lord!
Our fear as been turned into hope. Our death has been turned into life!
Christ is Risen He is Risen Indeed
Today. Jesse came with me to church. He was famous. People were glad to get to know him and say thank you for looking after me.
Today I will go eat with Jesse’s family and get to know his mother. I cannot wait! Tonight, I have Easter dinner with my family and friends at my house!
This experience has been not about me. It’s first about Jesus Christ. And Second, it’s about guys like Jesse.
I am a fallen person who makes mistakes everyday. Everyday. I Made plenty of mistakes during this journey.
The good news:
God forgives. He is Risen.
——- I will share more about the end of my journey this week. Thanks for following.
I am back in my home. Laying in my bed. And I can’t sleep.
Other than my dog…it’s extremely quiet around here.
Almost too quiet.
It seems so strange to be back. I was always outdoors. Out in the open. Now I’m in a box of a room. It seems so small. Yet it’s big.
But I’m not going to lie. The bed is awesome.
Attending Easter lunch at Jesse’s house was fantastic. It was great to see his family and learn more about his life.
For dinner, Jesse, my parents, and my local friends had dinner at my place. I thought it might be awkward to have both come together. But it was amazing.
God bridges those gaps when we allow him to…
Here’s the reality.
I got to go home to a bed.
Over 3,500 people tonight did not have a Lenten timetable to be on the streets.
I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with garments of salvation. He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness.
A friend of mine, named Cowboy, told me that “nobody on the streets should be called homeless. Our home is where we lay our head. That could be the shelter, a bridge, or a friend’s floor.” It sounds cliche…but home really is where you make it.
The blogs posts below were my last two blogs before my journey ended on Easter.
It was a very strange feeling the last 2-3 days on the streets as I started to conclude my Lenten journey. I met some amazing people who really took me under their wing so we could manage the streets and form a close community of friends. I also got to learn about so many groups and nonprofits that serve all throughout the city. One of those being “Taking It To The Streets” that still exists today!
My last night was a night of community and sharing. It was cold but we all shared what we had so we all could stay warm, create a pallet, and make it through the night. It was a great final display of the amazing people I met on the streets and what they will do for one another even when other people ignore them, their gifts, and what they can offer to the community around them. That night WOAI ran a story about my journey. I was afraid to reveal my journey to my friends but they fully supported and helped me tell the story even when they knew nothing about when I began the 40 days. They are heroes.
When reflecting on “Marriage” blog post below, my friend Joshua (Who I called Georgia in the old blog) still comes to mind. I still have not met another person who was willing to live homeless in an outdoor shelter so his or her spouse could receive treatment and find healing. He truly took his vows “For Richer and For Poorer” seriously and never wiggled out of his commitment to his wife. For months Joshua lived outside and waited for her to graduate from her program. When she completed the program they both moved to Seattle where he could find stable employment. He still lives there today. You can read more about his story below.
Tonight I am going out one last time for Holy Week 2022 with my friend Neville. He is going to show me how he used to survive on the streets by building shelter out of boxes. Will post again tomorrow.
A few weeks ago, the second night I slept under the bridge (which happened to be the night after I slept under a bridge for the first time) was a nervous night for me. I was not afraid of any apparent danger by other homeless people…but I was afraid to get busted by the police.
SAPD had already given me a warning for trespassing and was told the next time I would receive an actual violation. But my friends made me feel better…they told me because the bridge was busted the night before…it was unlikely that it would happen 2 times in a row….(I don’t know how sound the logic was…but it sounded good.)
That night, Jesse made the decision to not sleep because he could not sleep well during the night (the talking, trains, etc…) and needed to have a less stressful environment. I thought it was funny to assume a bridge is more peaceful than the outdoor shelter…but in someways, it is true.
After meeting 2 other friends who were homeless, CT and Lindsey, we went under the I-10 bridge to find our spot and create a large pallet. (Jesse forgot his blankets…so we needed to combine resources.)
Unlike the night before, where I was in bushes in between bridges, we found an area truly under the bridge with a exit ramp close to where we were sleeping. It was louder, but still constant enough to get used to the sound to sleep quite well.
The ground was not smooth but covered in gravel…so we laid all of our sleeping bags and blankets down for padding and used a friends giant blanket to cover to stay warm. Jesse, who does not like group pallets, used my bag to sleep in. (See Photo) Unlike most Spring nights, where the weather is cool….this night was cold…so it made it even more communal.
A few years ago, when I was a youth pastor at UUMC in north San Antonio, I led a group of High School students on a poverty simulation in Waco, Texas. For 3 days and 2 nights our students became citizens in poverty and had choices to make…like whether to spend their money on indoor bunks vs food, clothes vs blankets, toothbrush vs toothpaste, etc. Because the weather seemed good, all the students, including myself and the intern, chose to stay outside and save money. It was a bad decision. Around 1am a thunderstorm hit and a cool front entered Waco. It was miserable. All of our stuff got soaked and we were freezing. We had to huddle down and bear through the pain. After some investigation around the outdoor courtyard, some of our students found a storage shed that was full of old tables. They decided to empty the shed and sleep inside. It was not a bad plan! After the bin was cleaned out, all of us huddled up inside and warmed up! It was truly effective. We really needed each other to stay comfortable. Two of our students stayed outside because they were sleeping on top of a washer and dryer. (They were like Jesse…better off alone…but still smart enough to survive)
This night reminded me of that experience. All of us under the pallet needed each body to create heat inside the make shift pallet. It worked nicely. You get to know someone really fast when you have to sleep that close… strange… but also comforting.
It was a good vision of community. Each of us were needed to stay comfortable the whole night.
It was a strange feeling. I really don’t want the journey to end.
Most of my good friends on the streets have been informed of my real identity. All of them took it well…and we actually drew closer as friends.
Georgia and Jesse have been like brothers. I would do anything for them.
Once the meal was over, Jesse and I took the bus to our bridge area near downtown. The minute I got on the bus, a women shouted with joy “You are the Pastor on the News!”.
I froze. So did Jesse. Actually he started to laugh.
The woman saw the clips of my journey on WOAI and was moved by the experience. She had a lot of questions and made sure the entire bus knew what I was doing. It was very humbling.
The woman was homeless herself, or at least in poverty. However, after talking with her, she pulled out $2 dollars and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.
I tried to refuse the money. But she would not have it. She wanted it to go to me and my ministry.
I was moved. She does not have anything…. But this woman gave a lot.
During my 40 days I have met some amazing people. As I said before, the diversity within homelessness is much larger than I anticipated.
There are people with full time jobs. There are people with temp jobs. There are travelers who love to hop towns. There are drug addicts unable to skip their fix. There are the mentally ill. There are scholars. There are students. There are believers. There are non-believers. There are people who are single. There are people who are married.
I have to be honest, meeting married couples in the homeless community was not on my radar. It’s not like I was unaware of homeless couples, but I was not really looking to find it.
During my journey, I have met 3 married couples around town living in shelters and on the streets. (There are more…but these are the ones I met.)
The first couple was married in a ceremony during the Church Under the Bridge service on a Sunday I visited. It was a sweet service that took place during normal worship. I like that. Why do we make such a big deal about weddings? Let’s start making a big deal about marriage. I posted their photo below.
The second couple I met have been living in the outdoor shelter together for quite some time (although they are not allowed to sleep in the same section or any contact deemed “purple.” They have been married for 9 years and have been on and off the streets. They have their common fights (usually in public due to the lack of privacy in the outdoor shelter) but always seem to stick together.
The third couple is the couple I know the best. Georgia (whom I have mentioned before) has been married to his wife for just over a year. Due to their circumstances, they sought out the shelter (even from out of state) to help take care of his wife.
However, this was not Georgia’s first marriage. He was married for over 15 years to his first wife. When Georgia and his first wife were pregnant with their first child, both she and the baby were tragically killed in a car accident. They were taken away from Georgia and this world.
Georgia was broken. And rightly so.
Why would God take them from this world?
Years passed before Georgia began to date again. The sting of the deaths were too much to handle.
Then he met Denise…
They dated and got married. They have been married for 2 years and are deeply committed to each others needs.
Denise struggles with deep depression and PTSD—so they hand picked the San Antonio shelter to receive the best care possible.
Being homeless and married creates a hard situation.
For Georgia…that means sleeping outside for months until his wife gets out of the shelter.
Gives a whole new meaning to the vow “For Richer and For Poorer”
Below I are the 2012 blogs about some of the last days of my “40 Days of Haven” journey. That week I also reflected on the themes of Holy Week which you can read here.
Mental health is one of the issues that traps many people experiencing homelessness and keeps them on the streets. According to Mental Illness Policy Org:
“Numerous studies have reported that approximately one-third of homeless persons have a serious mental illness, mostly schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. The percentage is higher among those who are chronically homeless and among homeless women…There is evidence that those who are homeless and suffering from a psychiatric illness have a markedly elevated death rate from a variety of causes. This is not surprising since the homeless in general have a three times higher risk of death than the general population and severely ill individuals have a 2.4 times higher risk of death during any year.”
Unfortunately, service providers have a hard time keeping pace with the issue and can’t offer the proper resources to adequately treat the disease. We also have a tendency to justify our inaction for those who are homeless with mental disease because we believe they chose to be homeless. Mental Illness Policy Org writes, “Most homeless individuals with severe psychiatric disorders are not being treated. Most of them have anosognosia and are not aware that they are sick, but legally we protect their right to remain sick. As one news reporter noted: “It’s as if we suddenly decided to respect the ‘right’ of Alzheimer’s patients to wander wherever they please. Sounds ridiculous, but that’s basically the situation with so many of the people we call ‘homeless.’
In the blogs below, I write about Jesse (whos real name is Josh, and who I wrote about earlier) and the night he cut himself very deep. Josh has been on and off the streets since 2012 with various stints in jail and group homes. The main issue for Josh is his mental health that leads to more addiction and behavior that keeps him from successfully finding a proper home. Since his release from prison in 2021, the far majority of places won’t allow him to rent even when he is employed and has income. (Which leads us to another huge gap in the system.) Josh has been a loyal friend and I know with proper and sustainable care he would be able to fully recover and start a new life. We will keep fighting for him!
The night Josh hurt himself, Georgia (who’s real name was Joshua) and I really thought Josh could pass away and we were extremely worried about him. Luckily we had each other to lean on during this time. He was a strong man who I write about here. Joshua and I were thankful that Josh was able to get help at the hospital and stay there a few nights.
Also in the last week, I visited Robert one more time in county jail and we made a much deeper connection. He became a dear friend that I will write about more later. Side Fact: During the 40+ days, I wrote about Robert and William many times. However, I must admit that I actually changed the name of William a few times to “Robert” when he would get intoxicated and when he got arrested for trespassing. At first, I did this for privacy concerns but later realized it was an honest way to write about William at the time. As you might understand, when someone is addicted, using, and/or intoxicated they usually act like an entirely different person. According to Nove Recovery, “Unfortunately, scientific research confirms the fact that addiction changes the brain, altering the way one’s brain functions and disrupting its normal balance. Various types of drugs affect the brain in different ways, but most drugs produce powerful waves of dopamine that are highly addictive and harmful.” Addictions change someone that much. The earlier blog “Pizza & Vodka” is a good example of this change. When William was drunk, he went from being the sweetest man to the meanest and uncontrollable man you could meet. Luckily, William was able to get help and control his addiction in the last years of his life.
Please read the last few blogs from 2012 and I will back tomorrow to recap Holy Week 2022 and finish my reflection of 2012.
The last few Monday’s have seem to be hard days for me on the streets.
Monday: Tornado Warning Monday: Abuse and Detained Monday: ………….
I arrived at the homeless shelter just after I had dinner with some of my Young Life students at Edison High School. (I think it’s great that I work with students at both Alamo Heights and Edison…those two schools are not getting along right now…)
Once I arrived, I waited in line to be checked by security but before I got to the front I realized that I had forgotten to organize my backpack. At the shelter, you cannot bring in medication of any kind without informing the authorities and allowing them to administer the drugs 1-3 times a day.
I decided to risk it…and sneak my meds in…
As I entered the gates I was chosen for a pat down after my belt set off the metal detector. I was pulled aside for a pat down. Bad News.
After the pat down was over, they found out that I had a bag of antacids in my pocket.
They were not happy to say the least. They pulled me aside to interview me about my medication and to see if I had other drugs hidden in my bag. They were not very understanding.
After my bag was deemed clean, they still needed to find out if I had told the truth. Through a simple google search of the pill number, they realized I was telling the truth and gave me a stern warning. (I could have been kicked out for the night…)
Once inside, I ran into Georgia just before he laid down his mat to listen to music on his player. Here is where I leaned that our good friend Jesse was checked into the psychiatric ward at the Baptist Hospital downtown.
Jesse is a nice guy (26 years old) but is wild by nature. Bi-Polar would be a good way to describe him…however, one thing Jesse does not do is lie. Even if it gets him in trouble. Over the last few weeks, apart from William and Robert (who live in the barn…), Georgia and Jesse have been solid friends…despite their crazy ways. One thing is for sure…they are loyal…very loyal. I needed that on the streets the past 40 days.
Jesse is a cutter.
Meaning…Jesse cuts his arms with a razor to feel the pain (and make marks) on his body. I am not an expert on cutting…but some of my youth have struggled with this destructive habit. There are many reasons people cut themselves…but for Jesse…he cuts himself so he can “feel something” in his life…even if it hurts. Despite the harm, the pain is that something. Cutting makes him feel “alive”…and feel some emotion in his life. The twisted practice is not too far off from how monastic monks used to flagellate their bodies as an extreme form of mortification of their own flesh (penance)… by whipping themselves with various instruments.
Regardless, it’s an extremely harmful way to justify feeling and emotion….both for Jesse and the monks.
Earlier in the night, Jesse cut way too deep into his arm. It was bleeding everywhere…so when he arrived near the outdoor shelter, Georgia told him to go to the ER and receive help. Jesse listened to his friend and checked himself into the psychiatric ward at the hospital near the shelter. That is when I arrived and learned from Georgia about Jesse’s problem.
It was a bad week. In just seven days…two of my four friends were no longer able to be free. Jesse was in the hospital and William was in jail. It was just Georgia and I that night… hanging in the outdoor shelter. My friends were being depleted.
To get our mind off our problems, Georgia and I watched a movie on a laptop he traded for his phone. We watched the X-Men Prequel. It was really good. Just for kicks… Who are the mutants in our society?
After the movie, we went to bed…so we could wake up early, find work for Georgia, and visit Jesse in the hospital.
We got up at 6am and had breakfast. It was really basic….but we ate the food anyway. Beggars can’t be choosers.
After we ate, we walked outside to unlock Georgia’s bike so he could ride around and find work. We quickly realized his bike was stolen overnight.
Georgia was very mad. Actually…really, really mad. We went to the shelter security and they said they would review the cameras and locate the thief. I doubted their commitment. However, they eventually tracked the guy down and kicked him out for 7 days. That did not ease Georgia’s mind.
To calm down, Georgia and I went to buy a few cigars and then went to take showers at TriPoint. It helped…but Georgia was still hacked…and depressed. The bike was his transportation. It meant a lot to him.
Just before we were about to walk down to visit Jesse, my church worship leader called and reminded me (and the other pastoral staff) of a commitment we had made to attend an Easter banquet for women in the Rehab Center that we support. The men of our staff had planned to escort the ladies around the room in an Easter Parade during the banquet. It is good old Baptist fun! But I was late!!!
Georgia said we could delay the hospital visit and take care of the banquet….so Georgia and I ran a mile to the church to make the parade just in time. In fact…Georgia became one of the escorts. He even wore a top hat and cane while leading a lady around the banquet room. It was classic Gavin…pulling a friend into a random activity they woke up never dreaming they would do that day…but it was awesome. For a moment, Georgia was able to help someone else in need and forget about his own problems! It was a God Moment.
After the Easter Parade, we headed down to see Jesse but the hospital did not allow us to visit him. He was still on Suicide Watch and could not see unapproved visitors….even though I am a Baptist Minister visiting a Baptist Hospital. Rules are rules.
So we went to find a job. Over the next few hours we looked for work. But nobody was hiring…it was a depressing journey.
But I learned something…if you say on your application that you live at the shelter…they will not hire you. The shelter is where many of my friends receive mail…and paperwork…but they will be blocked from employment due to the fear of homelessness.
I was now even more depressed.
Are we really that shallow?
A few days later…Jesse was released. We spent the entire day today hanging out around San Antonio. I even took him to our church’s community center and allowed him to take a long shower at the YMCA. It was good to see him clean…but his scars were bad.
It made me think…
Christ death offers us to experience and feel true life. His sorrow offers us true joy. Tomorrow we mourn how he allowed his body to be cut and broken so we don’t have to experience the pain and cuts of death that we deserved to feel. I hope Jesse learns to trust in God more…so he can feel the Love that will last forever…and not trust in the pain of cutting that will only be felt for a moment.
When Jesse and I (along with many others) were raided by the SAPD, I was amazed by how many people were coming out from under the bridges and bushes nearby. (You can read about the raid in the post called “Detained.”)
Why were so many people sleeping under the bridge? The area was not very clean. It was trashed out, damp, and smelled like a mixture between motor oil and urine. The shelter is just down the street…why would they not sleep in the indoor shelter…or the outdoor shelter?
I was surprised to see so many of my friends (who regularly sleep at the outdoor shelter) around the bridge that night and the next morning during the raid. They usually are sleeping on mats…why would the go sleep in the bushes?
Then… one truth was revealed.
“We are human. We got to make love somewhere— my friend Jesse honestly confessed.
Oh my gosh…they were rolling in the hay…literally…rolling in the hay.
I was surprised to hear that…but I don’t know why…after learning more…it began to make sense.
Personal connection and touch is a real human emotion. We all have the same bodies. We all desire love and physical connection. Despite one’s view of sex and marriage…many have the freedom and liberty to choose how to participate in sexual behavior.
If we want to…we have homes for privacy…not bushes or bridges. If we want to…we can stay late at our girlfriends and boyfriends house…and only risk our parents wrath… If we want to…we can sleep around…and only risk the destruction of our marriage, current relationship, and faith….not our civil freedom.
In everyone of these situations..there is a common freedom. Freedom to make good choices and freedom to make bad choices—-and many are very bad choices…!
However, most of my homeless friends are limited to no freedom when it comes to personal touch or physical encounters…married and not married.
In the indoor shelter (for good reason) the dorm buildings are separated and not co-ed. Only a few couples qualify for married housing…until then you are separated with no place to go.
In the outdoor shelter (for good reason) the courtyard is separated into men’s and women’s sleeping areas. Members of the opposite sex are not allowed to enter the other’s area for any reason. No sitting together on the mat…no snuggling…and definitely no sexual contact.
I don’t blame the shelter for the rules…they need to be in place. However, when there is a lack of common freedom within a community…the members of that community will usually find ways to gain some of that freedom back at any cost…
Even if it’s destructive to their body, other people, or property.
The cost: a trespassing ticket…or jail.
Freedom…its a tricky thing. Love is even tricker.
I don’t have any good solutions yet. However I know that the lack of liberty and lack of places of shelter for the homeless to find privacy is a big problem—- even when the problem seems as simple as making out with your beau.
I went to visit Robert in the County Jail today. I needed to get Ministerial rights to visit outside the normal visitation hours. After I was set to go by the jail’s chaplain…I went in to visit Robert.
Robert went missing the same night I finished working my shift at the Vegetable Plant. He was gone for 7 days. We found his backpack by the barn…which he never leaves alone…so we were concerned for his safety when he did not return that next day. On day seven…I called the “missing persons” hotline and they informed me he had been arrested for trespassing.
I did not know how easy it was to get that information from the police. Who knew?!
I was relieved to hear this news. It meant that Robert was okay and safe…and sober!
I needed to go visit him. For many nights of my journey, Robert was kind enough to allow me to stay with him…so I definitely owed him a visit and a good hello.
To be honest, I have never been on a pastoral jail visit. I have visited shut ins, children and adults in hospitals, funeral homes, and schools as a pastor…but never a jail.
Jail can be an intimidating place to visit. There are multiple security check points, the absence of public parking (since it is located in a bad part of town), and the lack of windows is hard enough to absorb…not including the sight of the prisoners.
It was kind of like what you see in the movies. After the security approved my ID…I was sent to booth #6 where Robert would meet with me on the other side of the window. A circular hole was cut in the middle and screened off so 2 people could speak to each other easily.
After waiting there for 5 minutes or so…I saw Robert’s head peek through the opposite door.
He smiled bigger than I have ever seen him smile…and he said, “John!”
I have gone by John a lot during this lenten journey. John is my first name, and the name that is printed on my outdoor shelter badge. Gavin is my middle name.
Robert sat down in the booth, and we both leaned toward the window so we could talk to each other better.
Robert is 52 and homeless. I am 30 and not homeless…but I now consider him one of my best friends in San Antonio. He is one of the few people who actually knows that I am on a Lenten fast.
I feel like I know him better than some of my friends that I have known for years….Something about living together on the streets bonds people together.
He told me about the arrest and how he was only walking on the sidewalk…when he interrupted a downtown social party at a nearby club. They did not like him being there so they called the cops. A scene broke out, and the cops arrested him for trespassing.
Now, I don’t know what really took place…but I bet there is more than just his side of the story.
However, he seemed to be telling some truth.
In my 40 days, I have witnessed businesses overreact when it comes to managing homeless people on the streets. It’s a difficult thing to manage as a business owner when working near downtown.
I don’t always blame them.
Robert was in the detox program at the jail, and he will be there until they release him for timed served. 1-2 weeks at best. 1 month at worst.
He was worried about his things in his barn. I told him not to worry about his stuff. A few days ago, I had gone to get most of it: his backpack, jacket, cowboy hat, boots, etc. (You should have seen me carry all that stuff back to the front porch of my house…it was a funny sight.) I really looked like a bum walking down the street.
After 20 minutes, he had to go to dinner.
I told him to stay safe…and that we could not wait to see him when he gets out. Then he put his hand on the glass. So did I.
It was good to see him.
I love that guy to death.
It was good to see Robert’s face not worn down by the alcohol. He is such a sweet and gentle man when sober…even slightly sober.
A friend showed me this link: San Antonio will allow campers during the Easter Weekend at local city parks. Looks like the homeless can camp without getting arrested for a night.
When I was an undergraduate at Baylor University in Waco, Texas I had a huge collection of Baylor T-Shirts. From Young Life, Kanakuk, Sorority Parties, and from sporting events we would usually lose (this was before we had a Heisman Trophy Winner, a #1 Women’s Bball Team, and a Elite 8 Men’s Team!)
All but a few of my shirts (except my “Keep Waco Wacko” shirt…I still wear that one!) are now somewhere in storage collecting dust and not being used.
Completely Unused.
A few days ago, I gained one more Baylor Shirt…This time it came from the donation center at one of the homeless shelters in town. I did not ask for it or find it on the rack but it was given to me in a donation when I requested a medium t-shirt (I was all out!) from the closet.
You don’t handpick what you get. It’s just given to you. I thought it was very ironic…
I went to Baylor. Received a BS in Education there. Was called into Ministry there in 2003.
It’s a funny feeling to be wearing a college t-shirt from your alma mater…at a homeless shelter…when you are homeless…
Somebody, unlike me, gave away some of their unused Baylor shirts for a better use than a keep sake…Whoever it was…Thank You!!!
How many people would really believe I went there when I am now living at the shelter or on the streets?
Is there anyone living on the streets that went to Baylor? Maybe…I don’t know.
Just a crazy thought…and I am reading way to much into this…
Blessed is he who considers the poor; The Lord will deliver him in time of trouble. The Lord will preserve him and keep him alive, And he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies. The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed. (NKJV)
The last week of my 40+ day journey during Lent 2012 was an interesting one as I was looking toward Easter and completing the journey. I had mixed emotions about the end of the journey but I wanted to complete the journey and make sure the friendships I formed would remain beyond the experience.
I remember the feeling I felt when I could not find my friend Robert who went to Jail for trespassing. We both slept in the same abandoned barn for many nights. It took me some time to figure out he was arrested for trespassing and the nights sleeping outside alone without him were a very lonely. I felt nervous, vulnerable, and helpless in the barn he let us sleep in. Luckily, I got to visit him in jail a few times and connect with him through a glass window. I can’t remember if he got out before Easter but we remained friends for years to come!
Also in the last week or so, I ventured out to experience things that my friends would often do to survive on the streets in various ways. One day, I decided to sleep at the San Antonio “Bunkhouse.” The bunkhouse is like a men’s hostel or dormitory for those needing a very cheap place to stay with a bunk, shower, and back porch to relax. It is not the best place to sleep but offers more freedom than strict shelters. The bunkhouse is still open today and many of my friends on the streets, including my Josh from 2012, still sleep there today.
I also went to visit a plasma bank with Georgia so we could get some money to pay for the bunkhouse and things we wanted to buy. To be honest, I think we all went to Bond 007 Bar in San Antonio for a fun night out to celebrate with some extra cash! At the time they had .75 cent Natural Light bottles for sale at the bar! And free popcorn. So we let loose!
Enjoy the reflections from some of the last days of the 2012 journey. Tonight, for Holy Week 2022, I am going out with my friend Neville again so he can show me how he used to survive on Houston street. It’s a Good Friday.
Supper: Jesus said the Kingdom of God is like a banquet—-full of food and good company. For both the poor and the rich…all you needed to do was attend and not be distracted by work, school, and self interests.
So it’s only fitting that one of the last acts before Jesus’ death would be a meal with his disciples and friends.
It was the Jewish Passover. A yearly tradition for God’s people… But this supper was going to be different. It was his last.
They broke bread. They drank wine. They shared in community…even when a betrayer was in the room. They participated in the Body of Christ!
The Supper.
Matthew 26:17-30
On the first day of the Festival of Unleavened Bread, the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Where do you want us to make preparations for you to eat the Passover?”
He replied, “Go into the city to a certain man and tell him, ‘The Teacher says: My appointed time is near. I am going to celebrate the Passover with my disciples at your house.’” So the disciples did as Jesus had directed them and prepared the Passover.
When evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.”
They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, “Surely you don’t mean me, Lord?”
Jesus replied, “The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.”
Then Judas, the one who would betray him, said, “Surely you don’t mean me, Rabbi?”
Jesus answered, “You have said so.”
While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.”
Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”
When they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.
It was a crazy past week. I knew something like this would happen.
And it did!
My friend, Robert, was arrested and went to jail for trespassing early this week. (The same crime I got a warning for on Monday), but he found himself in the Bexar County Jail.
With a $1000 Bail.
Huge bummer. He has to stay there until his hearing.
Then it turns to me…
After Church…I went to visit Robert in jail. I had to go to jail.
I needed to go…he could have been me.
Crazy…
Going to jail…even visiting is a scary site.
Hopefully, I will never have to go in a cop car!
Did I have you fooled? It’s April 1st.
(But seriously…Robert is stuck there. The good news is that his liver can lay off the Vodka! Pray for him. I can’t wait to see him again.)
Friday nights are good nights. For one, I can spend the entire day on the streets meeting new people, meeting up with friends, and focus on my Lenten practice.
The last few weeks have been more intense on the streets, and it was good to have a fairly relaxing day.
Another reason I like Fridays is that I get to attend Taking it to the Streets under the 9th Street Bridge. This outreach has become my favorite homeless ministry since I have begun my journey over 6 weeks ago. Church Under the Bridge San Antonio makes you attend the sermon before you eat..but this ministry allows you to eat…then have the option to have personal bible studies with small groups or a volunteer.
Both ministries have good reasons for their church’s mission practice…but I, personally, like the latter. Making Jesus compulsory seems to be slightly missing the point…but both are good!
This Friday, a friend of mine, Valarie Moss, was there serving as a volunteer as she does most weeks. After dinner was served, she had the opportunity to meet one on one with a homeless man she met at the dinner. They read scripture out loud, talked openly, and then prayed together. It was a beautiful sight. It was not staged, not overdone, and not required for food. It was very authentic.
Valerie is my hero of the day.
Plus, the church that was serving the food and clothes brought a BBQ grill and cooked grilled chicken breasts. It was fantastic! I love when churches bring their best when serving the poor. Not only was the food good…I could also see that the church volunteers were having a blast cooking the food together. They were bonding as well.
Since working last Saturday, I have saved an extra ten dollars from my 8 hours of cutting red bell peppers. I wanted to use it for a good experience with others.
The other night I learned about a men’s dormitory called the “Bunk House,” where many men sleep and socialize. It’s not a shelter, it’s not a halfway house, and it’s not a church. It’s more like a hostel for men who are homeless.
The cost is $10 a day. Or $60 a week. You get a bunk, sheets, showers, laundry, locker room, tv room, and outdoor patio where you can drink, eat, and smoke.
The quality is not the best…but the freedom is amazing.
I had just over $10 so I could get one night at the bunk house.
After checking in, I was assigned bunk 27. Top bunk. The mattress was torn and plastic like…but once I put my sheets on…it was all good!
Before I went to bed, I made sure to go out to the patio and visit with some of the men. The patio was quite crowded because of the weekend, but a fun environment. Men were laughing, shooting the breeze, watching sports, and even giving haircuts for free. I was tempted to get one…but I passed
The men were all nice. All asked me questions, gave me advice about where to find work (most of these men have more stable
jobs) and told me their own story. The spirit was much different than the shelter. A hard working man feel…like a fire station bunk house.
It’s surprising how much 10 bucks can get you!
In the dorm room, many of the men who sleep on the bottom bunks wrap the frame with flags, sheets, or blankets to create a fort like atmosphere inside. You can tell they want their privacy in the cabin like room. It was not too different from Summer Camp.
I slept really well at the Bunk House. Despite the smell, (it was like sniffing a giant dirty sock), the place was cool and comfortable. Well…the snoring could get bad with so many men in one room…but I had Paul Hoodless’ earplugs on standby.
Went to bed at 10pm…Woke up at 6am. Oh…by the way…check out is at 6. Kind of a bummer.
You will need to spend 10 dollars more to sleep in!
Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, “God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”? Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind. (The Message)
This past weekend, I got another temporary job that many of my homeless friends go to on Saturday. (Ironically…so do many college students….see what we all have in common!)
To get this job, I did not have to wake up at 3am to make a shift at a temp agency. No. I could get this job anytime between 8am-3pm….and it only takes 3 hours to complete. It sounded too good to be true.
Bad news: you cannot be afraid of needles, blood, or nurses.
The work: Plasma Donation The pay: $60.00
I arrived at BioTest Laboratories at 9:30am. (much better than 3) I has to sign in, verify my ID, SS#, and read a booklet on donating. After that was complete, I went through 2 physicals to make sure I was a healthy donor.
You get paid $60 dollars at this location for your first two visits…then around $25-35 for all other visits. It’s not a bad deal.
A nurse called my name and pointed to my chair. I was ready to go. When all the intake procedure was completed (They have a lot of questions…) I got in line to donate. The center I went to has 36 donation beds and machines. They were about 3/4 full so the line was not long.
All the other 5 beds in my section were full and already in the process of giving plasma. All but one person were shaking their feet in discomfort. Was it really that bad?
The nurse asked me for my SS# again, address, and number. They have to verify identity at every check point…for good reason.
Now…I was ready to be pricked.
I have given blood before…but not when they take blood out, take out the plasma, and put the blood back in.
Here we go…..prick.
It was not that bad…but I did look away. Blood went though the cords really fast. I was on my way to $60.00!
The procedure took over an hour, so I got on my phone and texted a few people. The discomfort was small…but my fingers were getting numb. However, I was amazed by the plasma machine and how it redirected my blood in all the right containers.
The nurse told me to always pump my fist. I understood…but pumping your fist over an hour gets tiring.
I started to wonder. Where my blood would go? Who would get my blood? Would people appreciate that their blood came from many homeless citizens?
Plasma often is referred to as the “gift of life” because it is the essential starting material needed to manufacture therapies that help thousands of people worldwide with rare, chronic diseases to live healthier, productive and fulfilling lives. In order to manufacture these vital therapies, and ensure that there is an adequate supply of plasma protein therapies to treat patients in need, plasma donors like you need to donate plasma at a local donation center. More facts about plasma can be found here.
30 mins into the donation my fingers went numb…and pressure started to build up in my arm. Painful…but not that bad.
60 mins…the discomfort grew…and I started to shake my feet to distract the awkward feeling of my blood reentering my arm. Now I know why the others were shaking…(except that one guy…I guess he is tough.)
Over an hour later…I was done…the nurse unhooked the cords, took the needle out of my arm and bandaged me up. I sat there for a while so I would not feel sick when getting up…but for the most part…I felt totally fine.
The nurse showed me the way out…and I got my 60.00 dollars. Wow…that’s a lot in this journey.
After I left the downtown plasma center, I realized that the city was celebrating the life of César Chávez (March 31) and having a parade on the road that was renamed (earlier this year) after the civil rights leader. Just recently, the SA City Council voted to change Durango Street to “César Chávez Blvd.”)
I wanted to check out the rally and parade. Community speeches by local leaders were going on all day at the Alamo.
César Chávez was an American farm worker born in Yuma, Arizona, who became a labor leader and civil rights activist for workers rights across the nation. Many of these workers were Hispanic. Along with Dolores Huerta, he co-founded the National Farm Workers Association in 1962. (Now called the United Farm Workers.)
Like Martin Luther King, Chávez practiced non-violent protest. “Non-violence is not inaction. It is not discussion. It is not for the timid or weak. Non-violence is hard work. It is the willingness to sacrifice. It is the patience to win” Chavez said. “In some cases non-violence requires more militancy than violence.”
It sounds quite familiar to my job last week: read iWork on March 24th. For Chávez, “the fight is never about grapes or lettuce…” it has always been “about people.” Throughout the 60’s and 70’s, he would support farm workers across the nation by helping them seek higher wagers, safer working environments, and improved immigration law though his speeches, fasts, and marches. One of his largest battles came in the 1970’s when the UFW organized strikes and boycotts for farm workers across the nation. Strikes such as the “Salad Bowl” strike (the largest farm worker strike in U.S. history) helped gain higher wages for those farm workers who were employed by grape and lettuce growers.
What I found interesting about Chávez was that he undertook a number of spiritual fasts similar to many non-violent leaders in the past. He treated his fasts as an act of “personal spiritual transformation”. In 1968, he fasted for 25 days, living out the practice of nonviolence. In 1970, Chávez began a fast of ‘thanksgiving and hope’ to counter the civil disobedience by fellow farm workers who acted out in violence. In 1972, he fasted after his state’s passage of legislation that prohibited boycotts and strikes by farm workers during the harvest seasons. He knew how to really, really fight. Not with a gun…not with a knife…but with a shovel in one hand and a bull horn in the other.
I now know why many people all across the nation, and especially the border states, place him on the same level of honor as Martin Luther King and Gandhi.
“We cannot seek achievement for ourselves and forget about progress and prosperity for our community… Our ambitions must be broad enough to include the aspirations and needs of others, for their sake and for our own.” – César Chávez
Man…giving blood was nothing. I need to go back to the Vegetable Plant…
You shall not exploit a poor and needy hired servant, whether one of your own kindred or one of the resident aliens who live in your land, within your gates. On each day you shall pay the servant’s wages before the sun goes down, since the servant is poor and is counting on them. Otherwise the servant will cry to the LORD against you, and you will be held guilty. (NAB)
Currently, I am sleeping at Travis Park Church to assist with the migrant shelter we have reopened to care for migrants who have temporary asylum in the United States. For Holy Week 2022, I am seeking to not sleep at home so I can relearn some of the issues facing San Antonio during the night. The first night I stayed outside with my good friend Josh to catch up and relearn the streets of San Antonio. Now, I am at our migrant emergency shelter to learn more.
In 2019 Travis Park opened its doors to help in the similar way and now our church and Corazon San Antonio is doing it again along with IWC, Catholic Charities, and The City of San Antonio. Currently, these families and individuals are waiting for transportation to their host cities. ICE and Border Patrol have granted them temporary asylum but they have no money to get to their host city, court date, or where their families often reside. They are temporarily stuck in San Antonio with little resources or clear direction. I will have more to say on this after Holy Week. However, I want to reflect on how it might relate to my journey in 2012.
The migrants who are seeking asylum are amazing people fleeing violence and seeking a better life. They are noble people who give me much hope and very little fear. You can read what I learned about this in 2018 when I traveled with the migrant caravan and met some amazing people who taught me so much!
Here is my statement about the shelter in 2019 where we help shelter over 22,000 people in about 8 months:
“Getting to shelter, serve and walk alongside our migrant brothers and sisters has not only been a blessing for our church, volunteers, and workers but also a practice of solidarity, love, and hospitality. We had the opportunity to serve and it was worth every long night and day. Our migrant friends and families added so much to our community with their presence, love, and testimonies. They are heroes.
Travis Park Church has been serving the homeless for more than 20 years and has opened its doors to migrants including citizens fleeing internment during WWII. It’s been in our DNA for almost 175 years. It says in our scriptures that we should “defend the cause of the fatherless and the widow” and “love the foreigner residing among us, giving them food and clothing…for we ourselves were once foreigners.” (Deuteronomy 10:18-19) We just follow our faith and do as best to treat everyone with dignity and treat everyone like they were “native born.” (Leviticus 19:33)
One night in mid-March we got a call from volunteers at the bus station. They were being overwhelmed by an influx of migrants who needed a place to sleep. So we did what is took to open up our building, put our hurricane cots up and started the temporary shelter.
If the City, nonprofits and churches failed to unite then we would have had thousands of families on the streets of San Antonio over just a few weeks. Our faith calls us to open up and be hospitable and loving to all. There was never was an option not to serve our neighbors.
We could not have opened our doors to more than 22,400 migrants alone. It took working with the Interfaith Welcome Coalition, Catholic Charities, the Food Bank, other churches, and especially the City of San Antonio to pull this off each and every night. Not only did we serve migrants but we also kept serving more than 600 homeless neighbors each week.
It took hundreds of people to serve this great need. It was amazing to be a small part of it. We want to thank all of our volunteers, workers and donors who made this all possible. We especially thank Dr. Colleen Bridger, Melody Woosley, Edward Gonzales, Jessica Dovalina, Marc Wonder, Tino Gallegos and everyone at the Department of Human Services and the City for helping support this mission.
Migrant Children painting at Travis Park Church at shelter in April 2022
In 2012, I reflected on how many who are marginalized or unhoused seek temporary work survive and spent a day at a temp facility in San Antonio. It was eye opening, very hard and frustrating. However, this is also true for many of my migrant siblings. They too are seeking to live free in the USA to find work, provide for their family, and contribute to our society. But the cards are stacked against them. Jesus had a lot to say how we should treat workers. So did his brother James.
In the blog below I also reflect on children who are experiencing homelessness and also reflect on the roll of the church. All which I am experiencing this evening as I type this post.
I have added the 2012 posts from Days 27-30 in a slightly different order to help with flow and theme. Please enjoy this past reflection and the scriptures that relate.
It has been hard trying to live on 10 dollars a day. No movies, no iTunes downloads, no dessert with meals, very little food (unless given to me or paid for by loving people…), no quick purchases in line at a store, and no Starbucks.
However, yesterday, I was having the urge to get a large meal and have some extra cash…so I got a job and made some money.
Many people at the Outdoor Shelter have talked about working for temp agencies around town. One is called “iWorks,” and another is called “Pacesetters.” These agencies provide jobs for homeless citizens (and other people) in need of a temporary job for a day. The jobs can include working at a construction site, a bakery, the AT&T Center, or a local vegetable/fruit processing plant. Many of the homeless have a hard time keeping a full time job, so the temp agency is the best option for employment when the timing is right in his or her life.
I decided to go through iWorks. I worked at the vegetable and fruit processing plant called, Fresh from Texas, in San Antonio. Fresh from Texas provides HEB, Wal-Mart, local schools, and other grocery stores with almost all of their pre-cut and prepared vegetable and fruit products. They produce such items as fruit and vegetable trays, sliced fruit, mixed fruit, cut strawberries, stuffed mushrooms, stuffed bell peppers, shish-k-bobs, fajita ingredients, pico de gallo, chopped onions, diced celery, cut cilantro, and bagged carrots, and the list can go on. They do a lot! Therefore, they need a lot of help to keep the 24/7 factory operating and cranking out packaged foods.
To get a temporary job through iWorks, you must arrive and place your name on a list before the workday begins. They open at 4am…so you need to get there early to get a spot in line on your specific workday. There are 3 shifts. Shift 1: 5:00am to 3:30pm. Shift 2: 7:30am to 5:00pm. Shift 3: 1:30pm-Midnight. Regardless of which shift you are assigned…you still need to get there at 4am in order to sign up for most normal working days.
I was hoping to work the #1 shift so I would not have to wait in the temp office (without pay) until the #2 shift began. So…I arrived at the office at 3:30am. Only 7 people were in line…..I was set to go! When the office opened at 4am, there were already 40 people waiting behind me outside. It reminded me of a Duke Basketball Ticket line…Or…more like those famous photos during the Great Depression where people would line up in cues for employment opportunities. Despite our lacking economy, I was surprised to see so many people in line and eager (even pushy) to stand in line in order to work for minimum wage.
When the doors opened, we all rushed the counter and put our names on the attendance sheet. I was number 8. Someone cut in front of me…but I let it slide. (Getting in a fight is not on my bucket list!) After everyone was signed in, the lady working the counter called the names for Shift #1. There were 20 spots available. I was excited to start! After 20 names were called…I realized I was not one of them! What!? Something went wrong…I was kinda mad along with the other people in the room who got there at 3:30am! Apparently, if you worked the day before, you get your first choice of shift…regardless of where your name is on the list. It kind of made sense…it was like the Duke Basketball seating…the committee gets the best seats!
The lady started calling for shift #2. If your name was called, you had to wait in the office for 2.5 hours before the vans took you to the factory. They had only 15 spots available. I knew I would make it…I was there at 3:30! Name #1 was called, then #2, and 3, and 4, and 5, and 6, ….and 11, and 12, and 13…
#14…..”Gavin Rogers….” Holy cow…I made it! I was praying really hard…. because I really did not want Shift #3 starting a 1:30pm!
After shift #1 left on the vans…all 15 of us waited for our rides at 7am. We just sat there in the cold, empty, and run down office on West Ave. We were assigned our hard helmet and rubber boots. If you don’t bring them back…you don’t get paid.
We were set to make $7.25 an hour. Minimum wage.
7am arrived…and I took the shuttle van over to the Fresh from Texas factory near MacArthur High School. It felt strange to be so close to one of the high schools in town…I know that some of my students attend school there….but it felt so far removed. It seemed like I was in a foreign place…an unknown land for this “Woodlands Boy.”
We arrived at our locker room and put on our other mandatory sanitation uniform. A hair net, mouth cover, plastic gloves, plastic sleeves, and plastic apron. I looked like a surgeon in a bad horror movie….only a lot more tired…I had already been up for 4 hours…but still not started my shift.
We were called into the factory. It was 41 degrees inside!
What? Nobody told me that! I only had on a sweatshirt. Others (I came to find out) brought jackets, gloves, and even long johns. I began to get worried I would not make it for the full 9 hour shift! (If you leave early…you don’t get paid.) The large factory had multiple large refrigerated rooms for the assembly lines. The floor was wet and slippery, (which is sprayed with foam every few minutes so the floor is somewhat sanitary). The place seemed kind of unsafe…came to find out..it is very unsafe.
According to Workplace Weekly, Fresh from Texas was cited by the U.S. Department of Labor’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration, “with eight serious violations for exposing workers to numerous electrical hazards at the company’s facility in San Antonio, as well as two other-than-serious violations for inadequate record keeping. Proposed penalties total $40,500.” (February 2012)
Jeff Funke, OSHA’s area director in San Antonio said, “Electrical hazards can lead to the loss of a worker’s life by electrocution. OSHA will not tolerate an employer failing to take responsibility for keeping the workplace safe.” I came to find out, there were even some protests by employees.
Places like this, and the management, are not too concerned about their workers. They are more concerned about the work and movement of product. It’s a sad place to work in someways…but people make the best of it.
Read James 5. How are we still like the people James speaks about in the last chapter of his letter?
The Administration has claimed to fix all the safety violations, so I felt real safe. The administration never lies! Right?
Once inside, I was assigned to the bell pepper assembly line. There were tons of bell peppers in boxes. We were to get the bell peppers, soak them in water, place them on the line, cut them into squares, and sort out the scraps into 3 barrels. 1st barrel was for the cut squares, 2 barrel was for the usable scraps, and the 3rd barrel for unusable scraps. We were set to go!
Wait…but come to find out…we had to take the stickers off all the bell peppers before we began. The fun had to wait. For one hour, all 9 of us in line had to peel off those tiny little stickers off of each pepper…you know, like in the grocery store. A friend made the joke, “What is ironic…some fool got paid minimum wage to put the stickers on…and we are now getting paid to take them off!” I started to laugh..and wonder…that was probably a true statement.
My hands started to get numb.
After most of the stickers were removed, we got into 2 groups. One line for green peppers. One line for red peppers. One person to keep removing stickers….I really did not want to be the sticker man…so I headed as quickly as I could to one of the choppers for the peppers on the assembly line.
After a 3 minute tutorial, we started up the assembly line belt. It went fast. It was hard to keep up! I had one hand on the giant (and sharp) chopper and one hand grabbing and splitting peppers. I was truly afraid I would chop a finger off…the thing was really sharp and hard to control. All of us struggled at first….but after about 30 minutes and hundreds of peppers later we were finding our rhythm and fine tuning our pace. We were even bonding as fellow workers. It was kind of fun…despite the conditions.
;
There was Bruce (next to me) sorting out my cut peppers. He was 45 years old and was released from prison 3 days ago in Houston. He was in prison over 5 years…not including a previous time in jail…in the Texas Penitentiary in Beaumont. He was arrested as part of the “Tommy Hilfiger” gang. The gang would steal designer clothes from malls and department stores and take them to Mexico to sell in the markets. Eventually, they were caught and sent to jail.
There was David cutting peppers across from me. He had a construction job during the week…but used the temp agency during the weekend to get extra money. He had a girlfriend,who he said…”was very expensive.”
There was Mario sorting peppers next to Bruce. He was a 65 year old Mexican man who only spoke Spanish. He really struggled with the speed and was eventually let go by my supervisor after putting wrong scraps in the barrels. It really made me sad….but fortunately, he was able to work in the grape line…where it is much slower and relaxed. Heck, you can even eat the grapes!
After 3 hours of working…my arms were numb…and I had a huge headache. It was 10:30am…time for lunch…and what would be our only break for the day! I went into the work room…ate a cold bean and cheese taco…and slept for 30 mins.
11:15am. Back to work…Until the end of our shift… No breaks.
This time…I was put on the sorting line…which seems a lot easier than cutting. However…it was much harder to do. The belt went too fast. I started to put the wrong scraps into the barrels. I was afraid I was going to get the “boot” like Mario. However…I got the pattern down just enough to keep my job. Hours later…the new wore off, and I started to hurt all over. I was freezing cold, my back hurt from standing in the same position, my neck hurt from looking down at the assembly line, and my head hurt from thinking about sorting the correct peppers. 3 more hours of work to go…
I was going crazy.
The next 2 hours, I prayed to make it through my shift. I buckled down and worked faster to keep myself active and warm. Toward the end, we got sloppy. Bruce started to get distracted by the girls chopping cantaloupe near us…and stuff started to fall off the assembly line. We were done. The supervisor called it a day. It was 4pm! We got out early.
Bad news. iWork does not take you back to the office to get paid before the office closes at 6pm. You had to find a ride or take the bus.
I took the bus as far as I could…then a friend took me to the office to get my check. It was 6pm now. If you count the 4 hours before my shift…I spent 6 hours trying to get a job and get paid minimum wage.
Temp agencies are good places to find work, but they are a huge waste of time. They might serve a purpose…and try too.
I got paid 47.50 after taxes and agency fees.
If you count the hours at the Temp Agency and getting back. I made $3.60 an hour.
But it was money!
I bought 2 hot dogs, a chocolate shake, nachos, and drinks that night. I was full…and have much of my money left over.
That night, I attended a mission trip planning meeting. By 9pm…I was spent…Went to bed in the barn.
William was missing. I had to be at church at 7:30am. I did not wait for William to get back.
A Story About Workers (It’s good to know they had temp workers in the Bible…I Truly relate to these men today…)
“God’s kingdom is like an estate manager who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. They agreed on a wage of a dollar a day, and went to work.
“Later, about nine o’clock, the manager saw some other men hanging around the town square unemployed. He told them to go to work in his vineyard and he would pay them a fair wage. They went.
“He did the same thing at noon, and again at three o’clock. At five o’clock he went back and found still others standing around. He said, ‘Why are you standing around all day doing nothing?’
“They said, ‘Because no one hired us.’
“He told them to go to work in his vineyard.
When the day’s work was over, the owner of the vineyard instructed his foreman, ‘Call the workers in and pay them their wages. Start with the last hired and go on to the first.’
“Those hired at five o’clock came up and were each given a dollar. When those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. But they got the same, each of them one dollar. Taking the dollar, they groused angrily to the manager, ‘These last workers put in only one easy hour, and you just made them equal to us, who slaved all day under a scorching sun.’
“He replied to the one speaking for the rest, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn’t we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can’t I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?’
“Here it is again, the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first.”
According to our facts, on any given night there will be roughly 1600 individuals residing in my shelter (both indoors and outdoors). That’s a large community!
Between 3,500 and 4,500 individuals experience homelessness each night in San Antonio. So around 1000-2000 are without assistance.
As a Minister to Youth and their families, (and one of the main reasons I am on this journey)…here is the alarming fact:
Over 25% of the homeless are children and teenagers, half of which are under age 5. To add to the problem….Family homelessness in Texas has increased 15.9% since 2008.
(Each year, 25,000 people in San Antonio experience homelessness in some form or fashion.)
Due to the fact that I have been staying in an adult outdoor shelter or in an abandoned barn, I have not experienced many situations with homeless children.
However, the other night…I experienced children serving homeless adults under the 9th Street/281 bridge near downtown. The ministry is called Taking it to the Streets.
Taking it to the Streets is an ecumenical ministry based out of Boerne, TX and led by a church called “Nineteen:Ten“. Every Friday night, they meet under the 9th Street Bridge in Downtown San Antonio and serve homeless citizens meals, clothes, and a loving community. (Go to their website and you can volunteer your church to serve one week!)
The other night, the good people from nineteen:ten and other volunteers helped serve food and pass out bibles. (Even ran into some youth from my former church, UUMC.)
Here is the crazy thing….young kids from their children’s ministry were the ones walking around, talking with the homeless, and passing out water, bibles, and devotionals.
Children!
The adults and teenagers were behind the table serving the food and clothes…and their kids (4-6 years old) were evangelizing. (The parents were following their kids at a distance…but it was crowded.)
I was fascinated.
Why would a parent allow their kids to interact so freely with the homeless? Don’t they know the dangers? These people could present harm to their kids….or produce fear within them.
I don’t know what my church would do? I know there would be a lot of paperwork involved.
Here is the great thing about what I saw….
It was obvious the kids understood that they were serving people in need…and they were excited to serve by the looks on their faces and their eagerness to help. I am sure they understood the ” simple gesture “of passing out water and Bibles. Thought: “Simple Gestures (done in Love) are a vocabulary without words.”
Observing them…I could tell they had very little (or no) prejudice or stereotyped opinions about the homeless. They were treating them like everyone else! During the whole night, they treated everyone equally ..and with the same amount of love and joy.
Adults and teenagers have trouble with this concept. (It takes a lot of effort to drop our strerotypes.) Sure, adults were serving…but too often, adults can exude a self-righteous attitude when they serve the poor. I know I can. Regardless of our good intentions….that old weakness can sneak up on us and shine through the cracks in our surface!
It’s us and them. The rich helping the poor. The “blessed”and the “not so blessed.” The better and the worse. The givers and the takers. The volunteers and the homeless.
Adults create divisions…even in how we speak and serve.
These children didn’t grapple with this problem. They served as equals.
Maybe this is why Jesus called us in Mark 9&10 “to have the faith of a child.” A faith eager to serve, live equally, experience wonder, and trust when many people say its foolish to trust…especially when we perceive possible danger.
It is foolish…but God desires that type of faith. 1 Cor. 1:27
If we minister in a fearless Faith…we can participate in the Kingdom of God…and experience the true Love of God in all that we do… Regardless of who’s got the money.
The Lord calls us to practice it! Church is all about practicing God’s love. It’s a consent pursuit until God returns.
Just the other night, I saw the children from Boerne experiencing a taste of God’s Kingdom under the 9th street bridge….Calling each of us to practice living out Love in our own lives.
It was a beautiful picture of Christ. In the form of a small Child.
Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf[h] welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.”
People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them
I attend and minister at a really nice church. We have a gorgeous sanctuary, an education building, a children’s center, a creative life center, a community center, a coffee shop, a women’s shelter, and YMCA…
Breathe.
We are beyond blessed. Sometimes we forget how blessed we are.
Recently when our youth group was in St. Louis, we drove past a part of town that was totally abandoned. Blocks upon blocks were empty, houses were destroyed and abandoned, and businesses and churches shut down. The area looked like a town after the Second World War. It was an astonishing site to see.
Somewhere on Salisbury Street, we drove past a large beautiful cathedral…About the same size as our church. It was massive. However, when we took a closer look at the church, we realized it was shut down and destroyed.
Honestly, it seemed as if it was bombed in a war.There were holes in the roof, the stained glass windows were shatterd and broken, and the walls were crumbling. How could this be? This place was once a thriving place of worship. No, it’s nothing but ruins in a dead part of the city? Were we in St. Louis or Rome?
What is church?
A few weeks ago, I blogged about how a terrible storm went through South Texas and the San Antonio Region. I wrote about the experience in the blog called “Storm.” As I mentioned in the blog, a tornado touched down in Divine, TX and destroyed many houses and buildings (including one of our custodial workers sister’s home.) The tornado also destroyed a local church. The church is called Faith Tabernacle Full Gospel Church.
Here is a picture of them worshiping this past Sunday morning…standing on the foundation after the debris was cleared away.
They have no building to go to…but they are still worshiping the God they Love!
Similar to my friends at Church Under The Bridge in Waco, Texas….they have no building…but that does not stop them from worshiping the Lord under a bridge. Only difference….My friends in Waco don’t even desire a building!
Here are four churches I have observed during lent…
One has a huge facility for thousands …and has only hundreds attend. One has a beautiful cathedral that has been abandoned…no one to worship. One has no building…but has plenty of people to attend. One has no desire for a building and meets under a bridge with many…..Worshipers.
What is church?
How do we balance our material desires over and above the importance of authentic worship?
“I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with garments of salvation. He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness.”
Since my experience has started…I have realized that to receive aid as a homeless person (from a government run shelter), you have to go through a lot of red tape.
Red Tape is not surprising in some ways. I assume many of the rules and regulations they have in place are there for good reason…for safety, organization, control, and law enforcement. Rules are good. Moses had the 10 commandments. (And hundreds of other Mosaic Laws in addition too…)
However, there are some pieces of red tape that drive many of my homeless friends crazy, and keep them from entering places that can truly help them. Before you read this…I’m not saying the rules are bad or evil. Just observing the feelings of others here at the shelter.
Here are some rules: (Some rules are obvious…but just listing them….)
1. You cannot bring food into the outdoor homeless shelter. 2. No medicine is allowed to be taken without supervision…even if you are over 18. 3. No unopened drinks or canned drinks allowed. 4. No doors on bathroom stalls. 5. Sleeping Mats are taken up at 6:30am…and passed out at 9pm. (Only at those hours) 6. All bags must be searched before entering. 7. Outdoor Area gate closes at 10pm. 8. No Drugs or Alcohol. 9. Men and Women have separate sleeping areas outside. (Even if you are married.) 10. Can’t be drunk or high….and enter the shelter. 11. Laundry is allowed…must sign up at 4am.
—————————————————–
When I returned to the Outdoor Shelter last night, I experienced a different atmosphere than before.
People were mad.
Apparently since I have been with William in his shed…the staff at the outdoor shelter has changed some rules in order to live in the outdoor area.
People here frequently say that the staff changes the rules all the time with no rhyme or reason. I bet that’s not totally true…but it appears that way to the residents. Here is what they are saying….
First change: to get a mat to sleep on at night you must now turn in your ID Card. This seems reasonable to me, but according to my friends, it is a huge disaster in the morning. At 6:30am, you have hundreds of people in line to get IDs back….so now, if you are going to work, you have to get up even earlier to miss the crowd so you are not late to work. It seems simple, but when you are out here living this way…it’s a big “pain in the rear.” (Before …you just had to return the mat back to the storage area…and because there was not a card return…it went super quick and efficiently.) FYI. If you lose (or they lose) your ID card…2 hours of community service is required to get a new one.
Second change: Starting tomorrow, residents cannot leave their belongings covered by tarps in the courtyard. They must store all there things in bins (which are nice and waterproof…I was impressed by the quality). Here is the Bad news. The storage bin area is only unlocked at certain times. If you work at odd hours or miss the timing, your things might get really wet…unless you take everything with you. Who takes everything they have to work? (Before now, you were allowed to cover your bags and belongings in tarps or bags so they would stay dry.)
Now, I don’t know the real reasons behind the changes. They might be good reasons. However, if it’s anything like the government (the outdoor shelter is county run), there is a good possibility that the people making the decisions are so far removed from the reality…and/or from the people they affect..that they have no idea of the difficult challenges they have created for the people effected. Instead, changes have been implemented that fail to be positive…nor do they work smoothly for everyone’s benefit.
Too much Red Tape? Is this why William sleeps in a barn?
I don’t know…but the answer is Not Simple…On both sides of the argument.
Thank God because he’s good, because his love never quits. Tell the world, Israel, “His love never quits.” And you, clan of Aaron, tell the world, “His love never quits.” And you who fear God, join in, “His love never quits.” (The Message) HIS LOVE NEVER QUITS!
It’s been one month since I have started. I did not realize this until the YMCA told me I had to renew monthly towel lease. (It’s lasts 30 days). I need those towels!!!
Wow.
Just thought I would type that.
God has shown me a lot over the past month. It’s funny, now at the shelter I am one of the “tenured” homeless residents there. Many people come and go. Some stay a long time.
I have lost 10 pounds. I now weigh 160. I guess that’s what happens when you walk everywhere. Hey, maybe this could be a fad diet!!
Friends…that’s the theme of the month. I have made some really good friends.
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” CS Lewis
What will come of the next 2 weeks? I have a lot more questions and goals to seek out! I need a bucket list. I will work on that tonight.
If you have any questions, suggestions, or thoughts about my remaining journey, email me at gavin@trinitybaptist.org
The night of the storm in the Spring of 2012 was the first night that Willie (who I first write about meeting here) invited me into his home during the lenten journey. It was a night to remember! I also remember the next night (and blog post) where I could not find my friend. It was a rollercoaster two days.
After knowing him more, I learned that he normally wouldn’t have shown someone his secret spot off the St. Mary’s drag. However, he really cared about my safety and our friendship. He truly wanted to “show me the ropes.” That night, Willie was able to drop the fear of the stranger and invite me into his home. He ignored the risk of someone taking advantage on his space and was determined to care more about the safety of another person. He understood that true acts of solidarity transform relationships into real friendships.
I always remind people that Willie first invited me into his home way before I ever invited him into my home. He was the first initiator of compassion. He changed my life. I still have a lot to learn about that type of empathy and compassion but Willie still is a good guide. I can feel his Spirit each day we do the hard work in the community.
Just last night, I had the opportunity to go back out on the streets of San Antonio (during Holy Week 2022) and sleep outside with my friend Josh (who was also part of my 2012 journey and also a loyal guide). You can learn about him here and see some photos of us from 2012. Last night, we had the ability to catch up and share stories while we looked for spot to sleep in downtown. More importantly he reminded me of the many gaps in our system that keep people like Josh in the cycle of homelessness. (I will write more on that after Holy Week. For now, I will continue sleeping outside for Holy Week 2022 and reconnect with the community that formed me in 2012.)
For now, enjoy these two blogs from 2012 and remember that Willie was the one who took the risk of inviting me inside his home and being vulnerable with a friend in need.
Last Night San Antonio finally got a lot of rain…and wind…and hail. Good news for the Edwards Aquifer bad news for people like me living on the streets.
This thunderstorm was one of the first Spring fronts with substantial rain, hail, and tornadoes of the season. The squall line went from South Texas all the way up past Oklahoma. It carried some real punch that lasted most of the night.
After meeting Edison Young Life students for dinner, I had a choice to go to the outdoor shelter (where they would make us go inside where it would be safe) or find some other covering with men who live on the streets.
I went back and forth in making my decision, but I eventually chose the latter. This is the part of the blog where my mom will now call me…so pray…not for my mom…but for me…I might have better luck with the tornado!) I decided I would endure the storm with William and Company at the place he finds “shelter” most nights.
Come what may.
William lives in an abandoned shack near the 281 corridor. It used to be attached to a nightclub but the club burned down years ago. Only a tin roof shack remains on the unkept property. The grass around the barn is tall. The overgrown weeds provide nice privacy.
I arrived around 9pm…right before the first wave hit. Once I laid my mat down for the night, William wanted to go over to a music shop and listen to a women read Spanish poems with a jazz band. It was random…but he was the host…so I agreed and went along. The lady was good. I did not understand what she was saying…but she had a good cadence and presence. I guess that counts for something. There was also a man who looked like “Kip” in Napoleon Dynamite who read poems in English. The style was similar to how Mike Myers read poems in So I Married An Ax Murderer… but slightly more awkward and strange. He was okay…but it was starting to rain…so I convinced William to leave after “Kip” was done reciting his poem about “the orange haze inside [his] human subconsciousness.” So we left Kip at the club before the storm could trap us inside his tangerine filled brain.
When we returned back to his shack, he said, “my place is your place…this house has an open door for you my friend…my best friend. We will get through this storm together…come hell or high water, Jellybean.” (It’s funny. When he doesn’t call me by name, William either calls me Cowboy, Homeboy, or Jellybean in no particular order…I like that.)
After he said that to me, I realized that he was inviting me into his home to visit…just like my head pastor invites me over to his home for a Christmas Party or family dinner. This was his home…not just a place to ride out the storm. It started to pour down rain.
I started to ask myself…
Would I invite this man to sleep at my house for the night?
Would I open my door and allow someone to sleep on my floor during a dangerous storm?
Would I even allow someone to sleep in my back storage shed next to my lawnmower and broom during a storm?
Probably not. I don’t really know what I would do…
Relatively speaking, his home is dry. It has some major leaks in one corner but only small leaks in the area where William sleeps on the floor. After observing where the drops leak through the tin roof, you can easily position yourself to sleep without getting too wet between the trash and wet spots. That process took about an hour. Trial and error is the best approach.
Once I found my position it only took about 10 more minutes to realize I was getting drops on my bag. The rain started to pick up and other leaks were revealed. After one slight adjustment, I was all set. Then the rain stopped.
William decided to light a fire to keep warm. This seemed strange but it was his place so I just watched him work. He got the wet wood lit after some time and had a good fire going. I was impressed by his Boy Scout skills.
I thought the storm was over…then my sister called from Bulverde to check if I was okay and she said the worst part of the storm was yet to come. I was thirsty and hungry so I ran to the gas station to buy a drink and grab a fried burrito called a “tornado.” I thought the name was ironic. (They are 2 for $2 at Valero…not a bad deal.) I knocked on some wood…or what I thought was wood. Once I returned, stage 2 of the storm was arriving. According to William’s hand radio, San Antonio was now in a Tornado Warning. The weather alert said a few tornadoes touched down near Divine and Castroville, TX. The storm was headed toward San Antonio.
By this time the wind picked back up and William’s fire grew pretty big…I was nervous. He didn’t seem to mind. But after some discussion about the possibility of our things catching fire, we found some creative ways to put out the fire for good. He called me the “Fire Marshall.”
Some time passed and the rain started to come down hard again. Lightning was everywhere. I wondered about the tin roof and if it was capable of attracting electricity. (I should have paid attention in my science class…) I got back in my sleeping bag and just listened to the storm. It was loud, bright, windy, and wet. William was listening to the static filled radio. Mist was coming in the door. He began to talk to himself (or me) out loud…I couldn’t tell…it was that loud inside the barn. The cold air started to creep in…so I got deeper into my sleeping bag and covered the end (by my feet) with a large plastic bag.
Hail started to fall on the tin roof. The storm was getting intense. I was actually getting nervous….but I tried to sleep. At some part of the night the wind was so bad it pulled up a corner of the tin roof and allowed the metal to slam back and forth on the ceiling. Now it was really loud…kinda like being on a train…but with a lot more leaks in the roof.
I wondered to myself what I would do if I heard the sound of a tornado. (Which I’ve always heard sounds like a train…) Where would I run to? How could I get to a safe place without getting hit by lighting or hurt by the severe conditions. It’s a helpless feeling. All you can do is hope for the best.
Willie and I sleeping in the barn.
Bam! A limb hit the roof. I flew out of my bed. I could not sleep anymore. So I decided to break my rule and take some pictures. William gave me permission. Water started flooding into the barn, but not enough to reach our bags. The storm was shaking the walls of the barn so much I began judging if the old barn would hold up to the wind. I assumed it had made it through similar storms…we would be okay. I guess…
We just buckled down, got back into our bags and waited…
After the worst part of the storm had passed, I was able to get some rest and fall asleep to the rain. I had a few crazy dreams about the storm…but all things considered, I was glad I was able to get some rest and feel safe again.
The next morning I woke up to the sun shining through the cracks of the barn, William listening to the radio and smoking a Marlboro Red cigarette that a friend gave him at the music shop. It was good to see him dry, happy, and awake for a brand new day.
We were okay. For now… My mom will call…but at least we made it past the storm.
(When I arrived at work I learned that one of our custodian’s’ sister’s home was destroyed by one of the tornadoes. It made me pause and think about the night. It was really a bad storm. We were lucky… Others were not. I believe the family is okay…but their home is gone. Days like this make you really appreciate your home…and the people who live inside the walls.
Last night I went back to sleep at William’s place. The barn was a lot more calm and collected now that the weather had improved. The room was much dryer than the night before. Water that fell on my sleeping bag and blanket seemed to dry fairly well in 24 hours.
Hours before returning back to his barn, I was invited by head deacon, Tom Hill, to share part of my homeless journey with my church’s deacon council. It was an interesting presentation. I think my Pastor was nervous about what I was going to say…and how it would be received and interpreted by the group of lay leaders. Deacons are a funny breed. Kind of like pastors…
Some of the deacons did not know about my journey until last night. Some have followed along since day one. Some think the idea is absolutely crazy and wonder how this has anything to do with being a youth minister. Some think it’s the coolest idea in the world. The truth is…all of the above have a good case and opinion. Giving a presentation on a personal journey is a hard thing to do…but I hope they saw my genuineness behind my Lenten journey through my words and readings of the blog.
In the end, I am here to learn more about the community I live in…the good…the bad…the ugly.
Going into the night, I was excited to get to talk to William in a more peaceful environment. I wanted to hear more about this life story…and actually hear him talk without the distraction of the weather.
One thing was missing…
William.
Where was that guy?
I assumed he would arrive sometime before 10pm….but he never did. Then 11pm…and he was still not back. Then came Midnight…but he was a no show…so I fell asleep in his barn all alone. This might seem unnerving but it is not all that surprising. William has friends all around the city and a brother (a retired vet), who lives near town. Sometimes William finds shelter with friends, family, or at a place where he finds work. On the other hand…William could have had too much to drink and was unable to make it back home. I hope he found a good place to sleep.
Staying at William’s barn without him present was strange at first. It was kind of like staying at a friends house when they are out of town. It seemed invasive and rude. Was I invading his privacy? Despite having his permission to stay here anytime…I had second thoughts about crashing on his floor all alone.
I had very little choice after 10pm because I had missed my curfew at the outdoor shelter. It was stay at his barn, under a bridge, or find another place of shelter. I decided to stay in the barn and wait for William.
Despite the mess, dirt, and trash all over the barn. It is a good place to sleep when all things are considered. The good news! I can easily sleep without disturbance from trains, loud people throughout the night, or have a shelter employee wake me up early (5am-6:30am) to return a mat. It was quite nice to have that much privacy and freedom…to choose when to sleep and wake up.
The barn was quiet compared to the night before during the storm. Nevertheless, I sometimes struggle with the outdoor shelter I stay at most nights…especially when it comes to the noise and lack of freedom. It’s very loud and restrictive. Too many people and too many problems live inside those walls. Despite it’s pros…the shelter is very noisy. I always wonder how difficult it is to stay there if someone is trying to recover from addictions, abuse, or other illnesses, and just needing a peaceful place to rest. I can’t imagine it is helpful to be awakened by the train every hour…
I am sure the organization received a great deal on the real estate based on the location…but at what cost? Is it worth the countless sleepless nights?
The noise and the lack of freedom is the major reason William decides to stay in his barn, and he rarely sleeps in the outdoor shelter (despite the obvious aid he receives). The shelter is confining and limits his freedom to make common everyday decisions….like when you sleep or when you wake up.
Spending the night alone in his barn has helped me realize William’s dilemma. Do I go receive aid and assistance at a shelter that takes away some basic freedoms…or do I find peace and rest all alone at a place where nobody can bother me?
Look around you: Everything you see is God’s—the heavens above and beyond, the Earth, and everything on it. But it was your ancestors who God fell in love with; he picked their children—that’s you!—out of all the other peoples. That’s where we are right now. So cut away the thick calluses from your heart and stop being so willfully hardheaded. God, your God, is the God of all gods, he’s the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn’t play favorites, takes no bribes, makes sure orphans and widows are treated fairly, takes loving care of foreigners by seeing that they get food and clothing.
You must treat foreigners with the same loving care— remember, you were once foreigners in Egypt. Reverently respect God, your God, serve him, hold tight to him, back up your promises with the authority of his name. He’s your praise! He’s your God! He did all these tremendous, these staggering things that you saw with your own eyes. (The Message)
As I confessed earlier in this blog, I learned in 2012 that Lent was 48 days if you include Sundays. My goal was to make 40 days without my house, so I had a few days to “take off” and lead a mission trip that I was scheduled to lead. (About half way through my lenten journey I led a mission trip for my youth group where we took a train to St. Louis.) During this stretch of my 2012 blog, I reflect on that trip. I also had my friend Rev. Dr. Bryan Fillette write a few days about his time living on the streets with me a week before when we both lived at Haven for Hope. Bryan and I went to Duke Divinity School together but he ended up going to medical school after seminary and became a medical doctor. He now practices in Louisiana.
I really appreciate his reflections about how he felt like he lost his identity while seeking to go the shelter (I had a similar feeling when I began) and how he felt very separated from loved ones. Its very much worth a re-read! Please enjoy these reflections from 2012.
Hello. I’m Bryan, a friend of Gavin’s and since Gavin is on his retreat he asked me to post some thoughts for a few days. I went two weeks ago to San Antonio and spent two cold nights with him at the outdoor shelter. I parked my car at his house and, dressed in old jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, I began walking several blocks to the bus stop to go meet him at the shelter.
Walking away from my car, I felt stripped of my identity as a car-owning, house-renting, working individual. I tried to imagine what this identity shift would be like if it really occurred, how I might be perceived differently by those driving by and others I might encounter, and imagine possibly what it might feel like to be homeless.
First, I felt shut out. Numerous restaurants and storefronts along the way had “OPEN” signs in the window. Having money is a rite of passage into these buildings and knowing how unwelcome the homeless are in places of business , the storefront may as well have read “CLOSED.”
Getting onto the bus, I needed to ask where the shelter’s stop was, but surprisingly I found myself a little embarrassed to ask. I figured the young middle-class-appearing bus driver might see me as homeless, judge me for that, and make assumptions about who I am and how I got to that point in my life. It was quite striking how easily people’s perception of you can change and what assumptions people could make about your background and identity just thinking you are homeless.
I saw Methodist hospital just a few blocks away, and was comforted by its appearance initially. The church-affiliated hospital stood out as a place of welcome and comfort as I reflected on all that the cross on the building represented about God’s love and care for the disenfranchised and those at the margins of our communities. It was a warm and inviting aura given off by the building’s facade. Later that night I saw another church-affiliated hospital and a couple of churches. Each building spoke a word of welcome and acceptance indifferent to my status in life. But I also knew that while hospitals do a fair amount of charity care, non-funded patients are often less welcome in private hospitals, and I felt like my presence there was not welcome. Two days before that I was an employee working in Methodist hospital in Houston, and now it might be looked down upon if I entered the hospital for a bathroom break or some brief warmth in the cold night. Seeing the churches, I knew that despite the warm welcome the church façade was exuding, too often those who are homeless are not welcomed with open arms and feel unwelcome in our churches. While these cold stone façades communicated surprising warmth, I was sad that the warm bodies within the buildings often don’t communicate the same welcome. How easily one’s status and identity can change by virtue of not having a place to call home.
Lying on my mat that first evening, I thought of my family and friends. Doing my best to imagine what it would be like if I were actually homeless, I was struck by how separated I was from my loved ones. They carry on with their lives, working, living indoors, connected to their family and friends. Immediate barriers of social convention now in place (unshowered, no home to show for yourself, the shame of being homeless). And not only do you likely not see your family and friends, but also many are likely left with regrets or painful memories of how they came to be separated from their families. Divorce, domestic abuse, drugs, alcohol, rejection, being disowned, being given up on. Many homeless individuals speak of having children or siblings they are no longer in contact with or do not get along with. Yes, it’s uncomfortable sleeping outside, but worse I would think is the feeling of being outside of the connections that were once central to your life, left with regrets of mishandling situations and the pain of rejection. The continued message from someone once called a friend, now implicitly saying by their absence, “I don’t want you around me.”
Our mutual friend Stacy is a hospital chaplain who also volunteers with an organization called the Ignatian Spirituality Project www.ignatianspiritualityproject.org. They take small groups of homeless individuals on weekend retreats offering a supportive and spiritually enriching community of friends. I feel this gesture of hospitality and presence, setting aside intentional time with those often set apart from our society is beautiful. I was telling Stacy about my reflections above and she noted that in the sharing time on their retreats, the women speak of the many difficulties of being homeless, but the real pain is almost always about broken relationships and separation from loved ones. This is where the heart of their pain is, the time in their stories when the tears come to the surface. Take my bed, my money, a warm room to stay in, my shower, my job, but my family? Those dearest to me? Don’t take them.
Oftentimes we have questions of how to interact with “the homeless” who we see on the street corner. We are unsure what we can do for them, or if we are safe. They seem so different at face value. Yet something in us also seeks a more genuine interaction with them, saddened by the barriers that crop up between us and hinder the loving response we desire deep within to offer.
At the church I go to in Houston, St. Paul’s United Methodist, each Sunday about 70 individuals come to get sack lunches from the Emergency Aid Coalition. On weekdays about 300-400 come by on a given day for lunch. They pass through our parking lot and receive a lunch passed through a window on the back of the building in our parking lot. The gift of food is wonderful but the lack of interaction we had with those who came by saddened me.
Out of a sense of the importance of extending hospitality to others, particularly those who are often isolated or forgotten in our society, we started to make simple gestures to move beyond the barriers that prevent us from being together. About two years ago, we began setting out tables and chairs and bringing coffee outside to those who come by for lunches. We simply go out there and visit, just taking the time to be present. At first unsure what to talk about, aware of the differences between us on the surface, we simply seek to be there and to get to know one another beyond what’s on the surface. We talk about where we’re from, the weather, politics, sports, local events, treasured memories, difficulties over the week. When we tend to assume that we are so different from those who are homeless and would have nothing to talk about, we instead find a common ground. We discover a beauty we often miss when barriers of practicality and fear get in the way of getting to know one another.
Our conversations are nothing dramatic, but the time can be eye-opening as we begin to know “the homeless” as individuals, by their names, by their stories, their sense of humor, their emotions, and our shared humanity and vulnerabilities. Time after time, one can be pleasantly and beautifully surprised that while we often may think that what is important is what WE have to offer, we come to see that we are the ones who stand to receive something, who are in need of something. I remember what Sam Wells, the former dean of the Duke Chapel once said, “To say to someone ‘I want to be with you’ is to say ‘When I’m with you I feel in touch with myself, in touch with what it means to be a human being among others, in touch with creation, in touch with God.’” We discover a common ground, and it doesn’t take much for strangers to become your friends.
…Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world….
…Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business….
…Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong? If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. ..
….What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead….
…Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming on you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workers who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.6 You have condemned and murdered the innocent one, who was not opposing you. Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!..
Here are a few reflections about the mission trip with Trinity Baptist Youth Group:
I am about to start my youth retreat with my students. We are going to St. Louis on a Discipleship Retreat via an Amtrak train. The trip is called,”Soul Train.” We will be going over the book of James. (Remember that Lent is 46 days…I am using 5 days for this retreat…see post “46”)
James was Jesus’ little brother….that had to be a strange experience to have Jesus as your brother. Talk about pressure. Nonetheless, James learned to trust his older brother in due time, and later became a leader of the early church.
James was all about an active faith. A faith that was not stale and static. A faith that experienced God’s love and expressed it through dynamic acts of mercy.
While on this trip, my posts will be shorter as I reflect on the simple aspects of my journey. (I will also have my friend, Bryan Fillette, reflect on his experience being homeless with me for 2 days). He is an MD and a Reverend….so it should be interesting.
Mats.
At the Outdoor Shelter, everyone who stays there can receive a mat from the shelter at 9pm sharp. Don’t be late! They can run out on certain nights…and sleeping well is important.
Trust me. You want a mat! If you miss out, you will be sleeping on the hard cement with little padding other than a blanket or sheet.
When I first arrived at the outdoor shelter, I assumed the mats would be like yoga mats. Thin, durable, and not too comfortable. However, the mats for the homeless are not that bad. They are about 4 inches thick, made of foam, and covered in a black vinyl covering that keeps it sanitary. They are not too far off from mats you see at summer camps. (The plastic ones that fit on bunk beds.)
At the shelter, these mats are lifesavers. You really can sleep a lot better when you have one for the night. I have never been so grateful for 4 inches of foam before this journey…but in the shelter, you begin to appreciate the little things.
The only down side is that the staff pick up the mats at 6:30 in the morning, regardless of whether you have work or not. “Sleeping In” is rare at the shelter. They say they want the mats back to begin the process of cleaning them…but I believe the real reason is to get us up…motivating us to work and not sleep the day away. (You can keep the mats 24/7, if you have a medical exemption.) Maybe I need to get sick more…
The mats remind me of John 5…
Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.
The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”
But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ” So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”
The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.
Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well
It was simple. All the man had to do was take up his mat…Jesus did the rest. I like that. At my church, we make it a lot more difficult to follow Jesus. Just look at all the committees we have. It’s not a simple process at all.
But following Jesus can be that simple. It is sometimes as simple as picking up your mat and trusting in Him even if the future is unknown. It’s simple…but it takes a lot of faith.
Many of my homeless friends have unknown futures. Hopefully, they can learn to pick up their mats and trust in God.
Maybe that’s why the staff gets us up at 6:30am…at takes up our mats.
For the past 3 weeks trains have been my enemy. It was an unexpected aspect of my journey but I now despise trains, the horn sound, and the screeching of the carts when they pass by. (The sound is similar to a ironing board opening…but just louder and longer.)
Needless to say, trains make awful noise.
The outdoor shelter I sleep at most nights is located between 2 merging train tracks. (I literally sleep about 50 feet away from the tracks.) There is one track on the left side of the shelter and one on the right. You could not get any closer unless you slept on the tracks!
The trains come every 30-60 minutes all night long. In all directions. So it can get quite noisy. Have I mentioned that?
When traveling near the shelter the trains have to blow their horns often and for a long period of time because many of the homeless citizens hang out on the tracks and cause great danger. Since the shelter opened there has been more than one instance where someone was hit and killed by the train. The last being on Christmas Day. It’s quite a problem regardless of the noise pollution.
I wake up (along with most homeless residents) every time a train passes by the shelter. The horn sound is so loud you just fly off your mat when the train goes by and the conductor lays on the horn. It feels like the Rapture comes every 30 mins at the shelter. But I keep being left behind.
Ironically, for our church youth group’s Spring Break trip, we decided to take the Amtrak train from San Antonio to St. Louis. (The same train that passes by the shelter every night at 9:30pm.)
It’s funny. In just one day I went from hating that train to passenger on the train!
One thing remained. The noise. The horn went off all night. And the screeching wouldn’t stop. But it was good to be inside the train and be with my students. We were in this together! (Along with Taddy, Debbie, and Laurie)
I guess I am connected to Trains this Lenten season.
My youth group is called Pulse Students. I love that name but I can’t take any credit for it. The previous Minister to Youth, Nils Smith, named it when he began serving his call at Trinity Baptist. Nils is one of the most talented youth leaders I know. He is now doing tremendous work at Community Bible Church leading their online ministry and helping facilitate the largest college ministry in the city. Which is ironic…but that’s another story.
A few years back, Nils knew exactly what he was doing when he named our group “Pulse Students.” When he arrived this program needed a heartbeat. It needed a pulse that would beat not only for God but for other people around the city and the world.
For years (after Trinity lost a major leader), Trinity began to neglect the real needs and issues of our youth and young families. Years later this pattern led to confusion, anger, hurt, slander, and lack of trust within our church walls. It was a mess. So people started to point fingers and began to solve problems on their own…but they kept failing. In the end:
We desperately needed God. Not Ourselves.
Not a better pastor. Not a better staff. Not a better vision statement. Not a better trustee. Not a better committee, and Not a better financial plan. No. These kids and parents desperately needed to regain their pulse for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They needed a pulse for: Their friends. Their enemies. Their neighbors.
Rebuilding the youth program has been a challenge here at TBC. After many years of effort, it is still under construction. Nevertheless, I love it when my kids live out the gospel and get it right. I know they get it right when they put God First, Others Second, and theirselves Third.
Leading a youth retreat (during the exact half way point of my Lenten journey) has been truly enlightening. For the past 4 days, I have been on what we call our “Soul Train” Discipleship Weekend. Despite the obvious change in environment…I have experienced similar events on this trip that resemble my current homeless simulation. It has been strangely familiar.
First, we went on a train trip from San Antonio to St. Louis. Trains have been a theme during this journey. (See my post called “Trains.” And…FYI St. Louis might be my new favorite city. The City Museum is absolutely amazing!) Second, there has been similar communal living on this trip like in the shelter. Albeit, it has been indoors…but living with teenagers in tight quarters can be just as challenging and smelly. Third, I have not gotten a lot of sleep on this trip or during my journey, but I usually don’t sleep much during youth events that I lead…so that “no sleep sting” is still in my body. Fourth, students are just as crazy and messed up as many of the homeless. They struggle with grasping true reality, common drive, similar addictions, and the ability to lose all control of their emotions. The list could go on….
And lastly, while on this trip, the mission ministry to the disenfranchised has been very similar. A topic that has been obviously on my mind the past 3 weeks. It was fun to watch them dive into this type of ministry.
During our first day of service, our students served at the Community Care Center in Granite City, IL. The center is a United Way project that serves the citizens in need in the industrial region of far east St. Louis. It’s a soup kitchen, clothing store, and food bank…all in one. For the day of service at the center, our students were broken up into those three teams.
It was fun to watch them work! They were not hesitant or complaining. They dove right in! Hairnets and all!
Some students worked in the food pantry and organized the food donations so the center could easily create care packages of essential items. Some students help organize clothes in the donation center so the clients could find the right type of clothing. Some students helped serve in the dining room to people in need of a hot meal for lunch.
The center serves around 100-200 meals three days a week. Our students served the final meal of the week, so many people showed up to receive assistance. Our kids did great. They welcomed all who came in to eat. They served the food with love and kindness. They did not judge them for needing assistance. They talked with them. They laughed with them. Even cried with them…
Two of our girls ate with a man named Mike, who seemed to be homeless for quite a long time. By talking with him (they are 16 years old!), they learned about his life, his parents, his children, and how he unexpectedly lost his wife a few years back. He was married for 39 years. They had tears in their eyes. They made a connection…not one based on server and taker…but one based in equality and Christian friendship.
The other mission projects during the trip consisted of assisting the elderly through yard work, cleanup around the community, as well as painting Sunday school classrooms at a small local Baptist Church in town. All these acts of mercy were connected to what we were studying in the book of James.
Another student, who is in Junior High School, worked his tail off this weekend and never slowed down! It was a surprise to say the least. When we were raking an elderly woman’s yard, he raked the entire time. When we painted the church, he stayed longer to help finish the details so it would look complete. Was this kid in Junior High? He was acting more like a high schooler than a kid in 7th grade…maybe even older than that.
Even some of our students (who did not attend this trip due to sports, family trips, etc) decided to give up a day of their Spring Break and serve a local ministry called Blueprint Ministries in San Antonio. Dee Dee Sedgwick, who is the Director of Blueprint and one of the co-leaders of the Alamo Heights Life Group for TBC, helped facilitate the day of service. It was really cool.
It hit me! My students were starting to figure it all out. They were learning to participate in the Gospel and not just hear the Gospel.
They got it! They lived it! They did good work.
James (the Author of the book we were studying this trip) would be proud. I was very proud. Not as their leader. But as a fellow disciple of Jesus Christ.
They found a Pulse. God is not through with them yet!
Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. (The Message)
Last night, after returning from the youth trip on the train back to San Antonio, I arrived back at the Outdoor Shelter at 9:45pm…only fifthteen minutes before they shut the gates. I was glad I made it back! I did not want to have to find a place to crash that late at night again.
When we were pulling into San Antonio, our train went right by the outdoor shelter. All my students and volunteer leaders got a great view of the shelter, because you can see over the gate while on the train. They saw the people sleeping outside in the area. All of them were eager to see where I have been sleeping the past 3 weeks. It was strange to go by on the train and see the shelter as a passenger. In a way, it felt like a bad museum tram tour…like at Universal City.
After we deboarded the train, a parent, along with some students, gave me a ride back to the shelter on their way back home. It was interesting to watch their reaction when we pulled up to the area. (It is not in the best part of town.) “You sleep there?!” they asked. I don’t know if they were impressed, worried, or thought I was crazy…but it definitely made an impact on them and how they view homelessness. I guess this journey became real to them and that I was actually living like a homeless person…not just blogging about it. I even had myself fooled.
Here is the cool thing about my return. When checking back into the shelter that night, I did not know if anyone would realize I had been gone for 4 days. How would I fit back in? However, once I entered back into the area about a dozen residents immediately realized I had been gone a few days and said,”Welcome back.” or “Where have you been?” To be honest, I was not shocked to hear this from the few men who sleep near me at night…but it shocked me that other people, who I was not as familiar with, noticed that I had been gone. They were glad to see me back. I have to confess. Feeling welcome at a homeless shelter is a rare feeling…but It felt really nice and comforting to be missed and loved like that. I was really glad to be back… even excited to be back.
Am I becoming part of the community here? Am I becoming accepted at a place where people come to when they are not accepted anywhere else? That’s radical hospitality.
This place is starting to feel comfortable. Almost like home.
Here are some reflections on some posts I need to catch up on before Holy Week. Below I reflect on some visits to Church Under The Bridge, more adventures with Robert, and meeting philanthropist Baker Duncan.
In the post “Help” from 2012, I write about a Haven for Hope staff member named Annie. I wonder if she still works there? She was such a compassionate person who worked with those living in the shelter. Years later, I have now gotten to know many social workers, case managers, and street outreach workers who are just like Annie and go above and beyond to serve our clients. Two of those people are Morgan and Brittney who work at our Corazon Day Center and help with street outreach. I am lucky to work with people like Morgan and Brittney at Corazon and watch them transform lives each and everyday with their love, grit, dedication, and compassion. They make me a better boss and more importantly make me a better human. They absorb a lot of trauma, work with difficult clients, (a lot like Robert who I write about below), yet never give up on the person no matter how long it takes!
Morgan was named Street Outreach Worker of the Year in 2020 by SARAH along with some other amazing leaders. You can watch what they and other great workers do here or in the shorter video below: They kick ass!
Below I also write about Church Under The Bridge (Now also called “Communities Under the Bridge”) is San Antonio’s Church for the Homeless Community. They reach out with the love of Jesus, giving Hope through preaching, singing, and teaching the Word of God and offering training, free meals, and clothing to satisfy both the Spiritual and physical needs of the congregation. We love what they do for so many of our friends!
The day about Robert was another very memorable moment. We were getting close and I was beginning to see the seriousness of his alcoholism and danger he posed to himself. According to American Addiction Centers, “Homelessness and addiction often occur simultaneously, and, unfortunately, many people struggling with both issues are unable to get the help they need. Substance abuse can develop due to the stressors associated with homelessness. On the other hand, addiction can also contribute to home loss.1 Additionally, many homeless people suffer from addiction as well as other co-occurring psychiatric disorders, which can further complicate their living situations.”
There is a staff member at the outdoor shelter named Annie, who does a fantastic job working with the homeless citizens in the facility . (The shelter employs police officers, staff, and other assistants to help run the campus.) However, it is the civilian dressed staff that handle most of the interaction once inside the gated area. They care for personal needs, listen to concerns, help with first time intake, and organize programs such as the laundry, volunteer hours, and meals.
Some of the staff treat their job just like many people treat their jobs anywhere…they show up, they do just enough work to get by, try not to mess up, and fly under the radar.
Not bad. Not good. Just there.
Annie is different…she usually works the graveyard shift in the outdoor shelter, which is from dinner to early in the morning. She arrives in time to make people go to bed, worrying about and handling all the things that happen late at night…fights, sickness, rain…you name it…it happens! (Doesn’t seem to be the best time for a work schedule!) Instead of just sitting back and just barely working through the late night hours, Annie goes above and beyond the call of duty.
For example, a few nights ago she took great care in helping an elderly man find a place to stay indoors, giving him a blanket, and locating a mat to sleep on. It seems simple…but this type of personal care is harder to pull off than one would think at a place like this. She could have passed it off to a volunteer or another homeless citizen…but she slowly worked with the man to get him safely situated for the night. It was no easy task. The man walked slow…real slow…seemed confused about the environment…and was difficult to talk with…this did not bother her. She was patient…calm…kind…and willing to serve the least of these. After all her work, the man finally got situated and fell asleep. You could tell by the smile on her face that she was relieved, and that he had chosen to follow her lead. Due to her extra effort, this man’s sleep was better because of the care she gave to a random stranger. I see her do something like this every night. I like it because its hidden in the small things…
She is one of the few staff that personally says hello to many of the homeless citizens every night. She checks on our comfort level, she laughs with us, jokes with us…and lives life along side us. Not above us or below us. But along side us. Never treating us like second rate citizens.
I love watching her work. I hope everyone cares that much about their own job and the people they serve. She challenges me to be a better minister.
A few year ago, I saw a video on ABC News about how many people easily neglect homeless people in need on the street. It was very revealing. Good help is hard to find these days due to our own distractions and personal motivations. The story reminds me of the parable, “The Good Samaritan,” the one Jesus told his followers in Luke 10:25-37. (Watch the video below.)
The Lord’s story reminds me of why I love people like Annie. She loves others before herself.
On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
When I was attending Baylor University in Waco, Texas, I attended a church that met under the I-35 Bridge called, “Church Under the Bridge” led by Pastor Jimmy Dorrell. It was a fantastic service. It was about 1/3 homeless; 1/3 college students; and 1/3 others (travelers, adults, and other families.) It was a beautiful image of God every Sunday morning. I could not get enough of that place when I lived in Waco…it’s the only church where I saw Jesus Christ lived out every Sunday morning.
Come to find out… San Antonio has a similar version of this type of church. It’s also called Church Under the Bridge. However, instead of meeting under an actual bridge…they meet in a new building off Crockett St. near a bridge…but that is hard to fit into a church name.
CUB San Antonio has a church service every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday at 6pm. They provide a meal afterward…but don’t test them…you have to attend the worship service to get the meal. However, the meal and the worship service are both excellent…so that’s not a problem. (They also have a 12 step program that meets on Monday at 6pm, choir practice that meets Wednesdays at 6pm, and bible study that meets on Fridays at 6pm…I really love the simplicity.) If you show up at 6pm….something is happening!
I attended CUB’s Thursday night service with a good friend named Emily Morrow. Emily works with the missionary branch of the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship (no…the name is not an oxymoron) and has taken good care of this homeless man when stuck in many situations over the last 2 weeks. (Thanks, Emily!)
On Thursday night, after the praise team led us in worship, the preacher spoke about the conversion of Saul into the Apostle Paul (Acts 9). It’s a powerful story, and one that seems to connect with many in the congregation. The premise of his sermon was that we are all like Saul and in need of radical conversion. Saul was a persecutor of Christians…but God still had the ability to turn his life around (with the help from Ananias) and use it for Christ’s glory. If God can change Saul’s life, God can turn anyone’s life around…no matter what their past consists of…drugs…violence…jail…etc. God has the power to radically change your life.
I personally like Ananias in this story…and he is usually not given a lot of credit…
“In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision,“Ananias!”
“Yes, Lord,” he answered.
The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.”
“Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.”
But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”
Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength.
Can you imagine being Ananias? Think about it…having to go into the house where Saul was staying and befriend him after all the horrible things he had done to Christians in the past…it’s crazy. Absolutely crazy! Ananias’ mom would not be happy about God’s assignment…seems a little dangerous. I might have backed out. Whatever, I love that man for having the courage to follow God’s calling in his life! I think it’s really neat that Ananias also brought food! He would fit in nicely at Church Under the Bridge.
This one action of faith changed the world. After Ananias followed God’s lead… Saul was baptized and he transformed into Paul. Needless to say…Paul did some amazing things for Christ and His Church over the next few years. Just read 2/3 of the New Testament to find out!
After the service was over we attended the dinner. Today’s meal was provided by the good folks at Laurel Heights UMC. They served tortellini vegetable soup, sandwiches, cookies, fruit, and tea. It was really good. They also provided seconds. I am beginning to like seconds.
I was surprised to see so many people from the outdoor shelter there during the service. The church is near downtown but not necessarily close to the outdoor area. About 80% of the 200 people there were from the sleeping area where I have been staying. Both places serve evening meals…but this church offers one more thing…
The Love of Jesus Christ And apparently always at 6pm.
I went to Church Under the Bridge again ( in San Antonio, Tx) this past Sunday night for their 6pm worship service and meal.
Sunday nights are special at CUB because they serve homemade pizza after the worship service for the homeless members. That’s right—HOMEMADE PIZZA. Every Sunday evening a church or youth group makes and cooks around 80 pizzas in CUB’s own pizza oven. (THE CHURCH BOUGHT A PIZZA OVEN…I love that.) The group gets their ingredients from Little Caesars Pizza but they make the pizza there on the spot. Now, they could just have Little Caesars make the pizzas and save tons of time and energy…but they choose to do it hard way…the personal way…the loving way. Homemade!
Most churches I know don’t even cook for themselves anymore when they gather to eat….much less when they are serving other people. They just take the easy way out and cater from a company or restaurant. What happened to homemade, cooked meals at churches… they need to make a comeback!
I don’t know why this impressed me so much…but it did. Now I know why this night was the talk of the shelter when I arrived a few weeks ago. It’s really fun and personal. A great testimony to how we should serve other people.
I have become good friends with a man named Robert. I met him at CUB. He goes back and forth between the shelter and the shack where he sleeps. The other day Robert helped me with a task that needed two people to complete. His help was really appreciated. So I took him over to a friends house and gave him a nice place to shower and get clean. (I wish the YMCA still allowed people in need to take showers after hours…it would be a perfect place!…kind of like the old song says…It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A….You can get yourself clean you can have a good meal…You can do whatever you feel…) He was enjoying the shower so much he started to smoke a cigarette and sing in the shower. I think the song was Hey, Good Looking…” We had to put out the cig…but it was good to see him so happy! I think he wondered why I passed on the shower…but he just shrugged it off.
Robert is an alcoholic. He’s been one since 17. He is now 56. Later in the day, I saw Robert again. I guess he had gotten hold of some vodka (hidden in his bag) and slipped it into his coffee thermos. I didn’t know. As we were walking down the street, he started to lose control. I began to realize he had been drinking. As we kept walking, he quickly became frustrated…started to stumble…and then fell into the street and passed out. I just froze. Then I went to him (along with another person from the streets) and helped him up. He wanted none of it. He yelled, screamed…and refused the help. He didn’t even know who I was…and he did not want us there. After getting him up, we had to leave him there. In the rain. Sitting right in a puddle. The other man said. “Robert…I love you…but I am not your mama. It’s your choice.”
After a few minutes we came back. This time, he remembered who we were. We got him up and helped him safely home to shelter. It was an experience…but one that is all too common.
I have never seen anyone turn that angry that quickly. I did not get angry back at Robert… because I knew it was not him yelling at me…it was the vodka. Alcohol is a huge problem on the streets. It has destroyed more than just livers.. It has destroyed relationships, jobs, and people’s drive to succeed.
It’s a crazy problem…one that lives in the stereotype of many homeless men and women…but it’s not too far off from common reality.
After just a few weeks on the street, I have begun to see alcohol in a different light.
Last night was also the first night of NO RAIN…after days and days of rain. I can’t tell you how difficult it is to manage your stuff when it’s raining and you are homeless—- especially if you are drunk on vodka. Everything gets wet. Your clothes, your bag, your shoes….everything. Even if there is cover for the night, your sleeping bag gets wet when you have to go back outside in the morning. So I was glad to sleep out under the stars and experience sunshine again.
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. When I felt secure, I said, “I will never be shaken.” O LORD, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed. To you, O LORD, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: “What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help.” You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
OR
He gets angry once in a while, but across a lifetime there is only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter. When things were going great I crowed, “I’ve got it made. I’m God’s favorite. He made me king of the mountain.” Then you looked the other way and I fell to pieces. I called out to you, God; I laid my case before you: “Can you sell me for a profit when I’m dead? auction me off at a cemetery yard sale? When I’m ‘dust to dust’ my songs and stories of you won’t sell. So listen! and be kind! Help me out of this!” You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers.
The other day a good friend from my home church, Grace Crossings Community Church of Christ, introduced me to a man in San Antonio that was interested in my journey and personal ministry. Once the connection was made, the gentleman wanted to take me out to lunch…but not just a regular lunch…lunch at the Palms. How could I decline?!
However, this man was more than just a man who eats at the Palms…he is a dedicated disciple of Jesus Christ and loves to mentor young men with specific callings in ministry. Over this man’s career he has overseen his church’s diocese, managed a boys boarding school, led the board of directors of a top tier University, and led church camps. He accomplished all this while running his own very successful investment firm. (I’m sure he also has many other projects.) He’s an amazing man. He’s 3 times my age and still has more energy and dedication in his little finger than I have in my entire body!
It was good to meet him, hear his spiritual journey, and learn from his encouraging words. Even though he’s a Yale grad…he loves Duke and thought it was a hoot that a Duke grad would choose to be homeless! I wanted to tell him that Duke students become homeless while they camp out for weeks just to go to Duke basketball games. I guess it’s in our blood.
He encouraged me to set my goals for my ministry and never be afraid to dream BIG…even if it goes against the grain of the norm, my church, or culture. He said he was not into people with small goals…only big ones. I love people who live that way! Go big or go home. That was his creed.
The food was great and the company was even better.
Later that day I made it back to the shelter…and it was raining. Actually, it was raining a lot.
After entering the gates, I had the choice to sleep inside on the gym floor or stay outside and get wet. I chose the gym floor…but I would regret it this time around. Being wet would have been better…
When we were allowed to cram into the gym, I had to quickly find my spot. I found one by a corner near a group of men who seemed to be friends. After they fell asleep, I learned why they were friends….all of them snored…and snored LOUDLY! It was worse than the trains outside! I have never heard some of the sounds that resignated from their noses.
It was bad…my head was pounding…and I could not fall asleep. Hour one went by…then 2, 3, 4…until I remembered I had earplugs somewhere in my bag. I got them in Guatemala when I was staying with another infamous snorer…Paul Hoodless! (Thanks for the plugs Paul!) So I reached in my bag and soon realized they were covered in dirt. I debated what I would do in my mind…live with the snoring or cram dirty earplugs in my ears. I chose the plugs. It worked like a charm. I slept soundly for about an hour before the staff woke us up at 5am to clear us out for breakfast. I walked back into the rain. I should have just stayed outside…because I ended up sleeping under a tarp in the rain to make up for lost sleep. It was a learning experience. Rain is a difficult situation when your homeless.
The same day I ate at the Palms, I found myself sleeping in a muggy gym next to the Snoring Tabernacle Choir with dirty earplugs in my ears. It was definitely an interesting day!
However, I had been blessed by the company of a great follower of Christ, who was willing to help a brother out and encourage him on this crazy journey.
Addison Baker Duncan was born on December 29, 1927, in Waco, Texas to Addison Baker Duncan and Frances Higginbotham Duncan. He had two younger brothers, Malcolm P. Duncan of Waco, and Rufus Duncan who passed away in 1998, and one sister, Laura Duncan Trim of Albuquerque, NM.
Baker attended Woodberry Forest School in Virginia and graduated from Yale University and earned his Master’s Degree from the University of Texas at Austin. On January 31, 1953, Baker married Sally Prescott Witt of San Antonio, and they settled in Houston, where Baker was employed by Rotan Mosle & Moreland from 1953-1961, and the first two of three sons were born; Addison Baker Duncan III and Richard Witt Duncan. Baker eagerly answered the call to be Headmaster at his old alma mater, Woodberry Forest in 1962. Baker was Headmaster from 1961–1970, and a third son, Andrew Prescott Duncan, rounded out the family. During his tenure at Woodberry, Baker started a building campaign to improve and increase campus buildings and infrastructure, increased the school’s endowment and hired a premier faculty. Baker consulted Sally on her wishes when it was time to leave Woodberry Forest, and they returned to San Antonio in 1970 with their family.
Baker re-joined Rotan Mosle Inc. as Office Manager, where he remained until 1978, when he founded Duncan-Smith Company, where he remained to the present day. Over the years Baker was asked to fill numerous offices, including: Trustee, Trinity University 1976 – 2000 Trustee, Ray Ellison Grandchildren’s Trust Director, Southwest Research Institute 1973-2016 Chairman, The San Antonio Museum Association 1975 – 1981 Chairman, Development Board, The Episcopal Diocese of West Texas 1998 – 2004 Chairman, Academic Committee, University of Texas Centennial Commission 1993 Chairman, Chancellor’s Council, The University of Texas System 1982 Leader of Faith Alive Weekends, Episcopal churches throughout the country Superintendent of the Sunday School, The Colorado Chautauqua Association 1975 – 2012
Ever driven by his projects and causes, Baker was a leader in San Antonio, belonging to the Order of the Alamo, The Argyle, The San Antonio Country Club and St. David’s Episcopal Church. He was also the chairman of Duncan Park in Ward, Colorado, a property of the Episcopal Diocese of West Texas, and a passionate participant in the development of Pioneer Village in Gonzales, TX. Outgoing and gregarious, he loved entertaining friends and business associates at his favorite booth at the Palm in downtown San Antonio or at one of his clubs. Baker was a member of The Philosophical Society of Texas, serving as Chairman in 2000.
Baker is survived by his wife of 65 years, Sally; three sons and their spouses, Baker III and Susan, Richard and Rose, and Andy and Laurel; ten grandchildren, Sadie, Addison, Adam, Witt, Avery, Nigel, Asher, Lucy, Natalie and Alexander; and three great-grandchildren, Larkin, Ethan and Baker V; his brother, Malcolm Duncan of Waco; his sister, Laura Trim and her husband Jerrold of Albuquerque, NM; and numerous nieces and nephews.
For this reflection I have asked Claudia Delfin to write the reflection today. I felt it would be good to have one of the most amazing women I know write her own thoughts about my post in 2012.
Claudia Delfin, a transgender woman who’s an outreach worker at Corazon San Antonio has made it her mission to speak out against inequality, promote harm reduction, and support the unhoused. She’s been on major local news outlets and has a wonderful article about her El Paso/Jaurez work in American Oxford. In 2013, she was state outreach worker of the year for her work helping addicts find healing through harm reduction tactics, street outreach, peer support and treatment.
Learn more about her current work in San Antonio in a great article in the SA Report: “Claudia has been in recovery for more than a decade, has received numerous awards for her social work. ‘We use our motivational interview skills [that] we learn in recovery coach training, how to engage and encourage them to come out,” Delfin said, “because they … have a lot of trauma.”
Here is her reflection:
As I read the article “Women” written by Gavin Rogers, I related to the article in many ways. As a young trans woman, I had succumbed to violence by males in many settings. I also was physically abused by several men when I was in shelters.
My addiction led me to be homeless and I also prostituted to support myself financially and spent time in prison. I can fully empathize with the woman Gavin wrote about who covered the man with a blanket. I was very codependent and had unresolved trauma. The woman might have been hurt in many ways but she still had a lot of compassion to offer others. We can learn from her.
The article was written very realistically because women go through this abuse from men either verbal, physical, or mental. This can happen in shelters, in fancy homes, and on the streets. Violence against women happens in all social and economical levels.
At first read, the blog post may have words that seem to be stigmatizing such as “slut”, but the word gives me a clearer picture of the scenario and is used to show how most people treated her at the shelter. It’s not easy to live in that reality but one we must understand if we want to connect with her and her powerful story.
The statistics on women’s abuse by men was important to include!!! Even though this article was written ten tears ago, but the abuse of women is still ongoing.
Please reflect on Gavin’s 2012 reflection about his experience in the San Antonio shelter and try to stand in the shoes of these women who find themselves trapped in a system that is hard to escape. However, I know there is great hope if we continue to lift up their voices and stand with women who are in need of support, care, and compassion. -Claudia Delfin
Since I began my blog I have only written about my interactions with the men I have met in the homeless community. The outdoor sleeping area is divided between men and women at night so its more common for me to have longer conversations with the men. However, there are many women who stay in the outdoor shelter and have tremendous need.
When I arrived at the outdoor shelter on Tuesday evening there were cop cars surrounding the area. It seemed strange…but not surprising because this is a bad part of town so I just quietly walked on by the cop cars and checked into the area. Once I entered the gates women started buzzing about what just took place.
According to the sources…just before I arrived there was a woman arguing with another man outside the gates where many people gather to socialize (in both good and bad ways.) The argument started small…then elevated to a fight…and then the woman was physically abused and hit in the face by the man. I don’t really know what the fight was about. It does not matter. It was a tragic but all to common situation.
This was a strange night for me to confront this issue emotionally because I was just returning from Trinity University where I watched a play about women’s rights and issues all around the globe. (Angela Tarango, a former Duke Ph.D student and T.A who is now a Professor of Religion at Trinity, starred in the play with her colleagues.) Needless to say…women were on my mind.
Like the men in the shelter, the women come from all different ages, races, and backgrounds. However, it seems to me that many of the women struggle with different problems than many of the men. A major one being….abuse.
Physical Abuse Sexual Abuse Mental Abuse Chemical Abuse Unfortunately, it’s all here at the shelter.
I see it every night.
Violence. There are women who are abused by men on a daily basis in and around the shelter. They are talked down to by the men, yelled at, and commonly show signs of physical abuse. You can see it in their eyes. You can see it in their smile. You can see it all over their body. We can very easily write it off as just another issue on the streets. But the problem is much bigger than “the streets.” Violence against women happens at every economic level. Historically, men have the upper hand over women due to the cultural and religious beliefs of many people. The same applies on the streets. The woman here are treated by the other homeless men as second class citizens.
Sex. Prostitution is everywhere on the streets. It is not uncommon to witness women selling their bodies as they make their rounds in and out of the sleeping area during the night. Some cater to the men in and around the shelter…and some cater to business men or others who drive up to the area and pick them up on the side of the road. The world’s oldest profession plays a huge part in the abuse of homeless women living on the streets. It’s not always by total free choice. Quite the opposite when it happens inside poverty. One women I have befriended is one of these women. She spends many of her nights at a motel downtown when she posts good business. They guys here give her attention when they want her body for sex…but when that is not possible they treat her like dirt and call her a slut for acting the way she does. It kills me. It seems so one-sided.
In fact, she is a terrific woman. She just needs to be loved by the right people in life. The other day she found a cat and started to care for it. And she wanted to show everyone her new pet! When I ran into her she needed a rope to make a leash so we gathered up enough lanyards from our ID cards to make a leash. It was fun. I saw this practice done by others with pets in the area!
However my favorite story comes from my third night in the outdoor shelter about 2 weeks ago. One evening a women a I were sitting at a picnic bench inside the gates talking about life when a man came into the area completely drunk. As he made his way into the area he quickly passed out on the cement by our table. Quietly, without announcement or scene, she got up, grabbed and extra blanket from her mat and laid it on top of the man. Then jumped back into our conversation. Her quiet kindness blew me away. Why would she care for someone like that after all she has been through? It hit me…
For a moment she was able to focus on something other than sex. For a moment she was able to participate in true love. For a moment she was not a slut.
Jesus had many interactions with women. Some not looked upon so kindly by others… Read Luke 7:36-50 and John 8:1-11
The truth is shocking. According to the United Nations, one of every three women on the planet will be physically or sexually abused in her lifetime. “Although sources of violence may seem diverse, women’s responses sound tragically similar. Besides the pain and strength you will hear in their survival stories, the themes that resound across cultures and geographies are of the indifference of authorities, the familial instinct of denial, and the lack of public outrage about the violence that millions of women experience every day.”
The night the lady was abused outside the outdoor shelter, my friend Angela was helping raise money to help stop the violence against women. The fight against women’s violence was born of the belief that until the above themes are addressed, these violations named and taken up by whole communities as an unacceptable desecration of human dignity, the violence will continue.
Go online and help fight against violence. There are many great organizations that help fight for women’s rights. Join one of them tonight.
Might be a fun experience!
Pastor Gavin's Blog 
